hey... I dunno... got three somewhat-songlike-things... I post one of these... questions follow
You on the hillside
It was June on the hillside
Bereaved of the sunlight
We wasted the night
Seeking patterns in the neon signs
Of the city below us
And words were rare
They seemed afraid of the air
Avoiding the spot where we lay
Leaving us breathless and cold
Your trembling justified my arm
I was just keeping you warm
A little insecure and awkwardly affectionate
Towards a boy who never seemed that vulnerable
Well, I didn't feel entitled to, since I didn't think I loved you
But it still felt adequate for a few brief moments
Later I was told only I could cheer you up
And, boy, I'd have fallen for those tears
If I hadn't already been down here
I swore to myself to reward you for my new happiness,
To give it back, the same amount, maybe more, but never less
And though it works out really well
Protecting you can be quite a challenge
And, yes, I've failed
The most terrible mistake is to think ahead
It's the basics that devastate
I don't want you to die, but my
What can I
What can I
Do about it
So I thought I'd try to pretend I've settled for mortality
No longer dwell on the past or hope on the future
Because I know you'll leave, not me, but the city
So I thought I'd try to pretend I never weep
No longer will I unbalance you who are my gravity
Afraid you might become the song and tired of drying my eyes
Yes, so I thought without considering reality
Still you are everything and I've got a promise to keep
It's the earlier memories that encourage the belief
That this can evolve far beyond the first idea
coz
Once it was June on the hillside
Bereaved of the sunlight
We wasted the night
Seeking patterns in the neon signs
Of the city below us
We concluded it was the loneliest sight
*sigh*... okay, now the questions... the green part... I dunno if it fits any longer or should be left out altogether (it's just that when starting the song I wanted it to end the way it began plus that one last line)
and it could probably use some shortening/tightening things up... just couldn't bring myself to really do it (yet)...
anyways..
I hope someone likes it though
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Ok, I think MAYBE To make the end fit you could alter it slightly to reflect the fact that it is kind of a reflection like,
When we wasted the night... Instead of--- We Wasted the night.
I do that sometimes in songs and it gives it a good grounding again because a song is like a book.. when you start you're in your world, in the middle youre in mine, then on the way back down the ride has to stop somewhere, ya know what I mean?
Good luck with it,
SHUT UP ABOUT IRON MAIDEN SOLOS AND GO PRACTICE!
-Manitou
