This assignment was hard for me for some reason. This is what I came up with but it needs some help. It's too short and I need some more verses, but I kinda feel like I made my point. Any ideas for what else I can bring into this?
"Illusions of a Traveler"
V1
He'll be gone by midnight
Moving to the next town
Says he likes to explore
Be somewhere else by sundown
CHORUS
He follows these roads
Running from the inside
Never finding peace
Just another place to hide
A different way of life
Is what he's been chasing
These illusions of a traveler
It's himself he's scared of facing
V2
Nothing can ever catch up
If he just keeps going
He never glances back
The past will stay unknowing
CHORUS
V3
He pretends that he's blind
To his personal tradgedy
Illusions of a traveler
Will he ever clearly see?
For some reason I wanted to write this into a ghost story kind of thing when I first read it. Lines like "He'll be gone by midnight " and "Never finding peace." Just sort of sent it that way for me.
You've got some inconsistency in your first verse. Where first you say he's gone by midnight. And then by sundown. Which I suppose could be true but its sort of redundant. Maybe something like "He never wants to slow down" I don't really like that line but maybe something similiar.
Anyhow. I like what you've got here. I just think it maybe needs some polishing up.
-Marv
hi
you've got a nice idea behind this song.
as for finishing off the song i think you're in danger of just going on and on following in the travellers footsteps.
i'd leave out V3, since you've made that point in the chorus and already elaborated on it in V2.
to finish off the song the way i see it theres only two ways you can go, either something happens to him, he dies or he reconciles himself with himself somehow or else he just keeps on walking.
i'd suggest the 2nd option, in which case u only really need a final verse to finish the song off with him walking off over endless mountains or whatever.
it depends where you want the song to go really.
rob
Thanks for everyone's input! I totally re-wrote the song except for the chorus b/c it really wasn't flowing. It's better now, but it still really needs some input. Thanks!
V1
He wakes up in the morning
Already he can't sit still
He says "I wanna find
something in life that's real"
V2
He packs his bags
Then closes the door
He starts to move on
Not sure what's in store
CHORUS
He follows these roads
Running from the inside
Never finding peace
Just another place to hide
A different way of life
He seems to be chasing
These illusions of a traveler
It's himself he's scared of facing
V3
He'll find a place to settle
If only for a day
Get bored with his surroundings
And then be on his way
V4
He makes friends of strangers
And bids them all farewell
Off he goes again
Where he's headed, he won't tell
CHORUS
V5
He seems to be familar
With this life on the run
Everyday a new adventure
His world will never come undone
V6
But looming in the background
The realness will set in
He'll be rudely awakened
By the man he's always been
CHORUS
