OK gang, my first post in the SSG. Cliched? Probably. Anyway, here you go. Comments and suggestions are most welcomed!
Desert Solitude (Me, My Horse and You)
Verse I
As I sit by the fire
and listen to the sound,
of howling in the distance,
coyotes all around.
Their lonesome wailing fills the night,
and I know how they feel,
because when I'm away from you,
This loneliness is real.
Verse II
Saguaro cactus standing tall
lit up by pale moon light.
The tumbleweeds go tumbling,
pushed by the wind so slight.
They all add to the solitude,
of life here on the trail,
And wishing I were back with you,
is all to no avail.
Chorus
I want to ride into the sunset,
with just my horse and you.
Just like Matt and Kitty,
beneath the sky of blue.
I'll bring along my old guitar,
and strum a tune or two.
As we ride off together,
Just me, my horse, and you.
Verse III
If wanting to be back with you
was ever deemed a crime,
They'd have to find me guilty,
I'd gladly serve my time.
But if I had the choice to make,
instead of going to jail,
Just sentence me to life with you,
We'd be like Roy and Dale.
Chorus
I want to ride into the sunset,
with just my horse and you.
Just like Matt and Kitty,
beneath the sky of blue.
I'll bring along my old guitar,
and strum a tune or two.
As we ride off together,
Just me, my horse, and you.
Yes we'd ride away together,
Just me, my horse, and you.
Hello and welcome to the SSG.
This topic, the old West, does invite a lot of cliches, but it also seems to bring out some great writing from folks.
Your chorus is wonderful! Even though it has the old "riding off into the sunset," line, the way you use it is fresh and makes the song both new and familiar at the same time. And "Matt and Kitty" is terrific!
Your verses could stand a little more imagery. The second one starts out the strongest and if you could pull out more specific images like those first four lines, you'd have a very strong song. Let the images do the description for you. You've already got a good knack for bringing them to the page so trust them to do the work. Perhaps something like this:
Saguaro cactus standing tall
lit up by pale moon light.
The tumbleweeds go tumbling,
pushed by the wind so slight.
The fire's slowly dying
and a lone coyote wails,
Wishing I were back with you,
and not here on the trail.
Anyway, looking forward to reading mucj more of your material.
Peace
Thanks for the feedback!
I definitely agree with you on the second verse. I was struggling a bit with the part that you so ably improved. Good input.
Thanks again, and I plan on adding more songs as the weeks go on.
Randy
got to say, I agree with DH....to be honest, first time I read through it, couldn't pick anything wrong with this at all....and that's what we're supposed to be doing, right, kind of "Devil's Advocates for the Rock Generation".....
I thought - on re-reading - you lost the imagery almost completely on the third verse, but another couploe of readings or so, it doesn't really matter - you've set the scene nicely with the first two verses, and wrapped it up nicely with the third.....
I especially enjoyed the references to Gunsmoke and Wells Fargo...I remember watching them as a little kid, brought back memories....
For a first effort, this is brilliant....look forward to seeing more....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Rkendrick,
Welcome and Nice Job
Seems alot of us here grew up watching these Westerns
And the cliches just go with the genre
Happy Trails
Celt
Thanks to all for the feedback. I appreciate it greatly.
Randy
