Have been away from here for quite awhile. I popped in on Sunday,
thinking week 29 was current. Wrote this last night, and thought I
was ahead of the game. Only to discover that it was already week 30.
Oh well....here is my submit for week 29. Comments welcome.
Just starting out I was
in the Spring of my days.
Life spread out ahead of me
four seasons of change.
Evenly divided
is how it seemed to me.
My twenties like a Summer
passing dreamily.
Drifted into Autumn
as forty years took leave.
Harvesting the many fruits
of labor and dreams.
Sixty brought a cold wind
crisp Winter snow froze all.
Reflection on four Seasons
ending come to call.
Eighty has no season
to which I can ascribe.
So thoughts of starting over.
spring into my mind.
Hi MJ
Great stuff - simple concept worked through effectively. My only concern was the first line
Just like a little sprout
The image it conjures up is of a small green vegetable with unfortunate side effects - I'd have a think about that line again. As a suggestion
Just starting out
Otherwise excellent
Bob 8)
You are what you eat, eat well
Thanks Bob for the suggestion. I made the change.
I took your advice but added a modest grammer violation (artist license)
to get the syllable count in line with the other verses.
That line was bugging me too, but it was what inspired me
in the beginning and I was too fond of it to let it go. :)
MJBird,
This is well done. I second everything Bob said: simple, effective, and everyone can relate to it. Well,... everyone who's beyond their teens. 8)
The change works well. We've all had lines we were fond of, sometimes it takes another pair of eyes to convince us. ("Ooh, I can make it fit,.. I know I can make it fit...") :wink: Anyways, I'm rambling now, but this is well done, and I wanted to let you know.
-- Scratch
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
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