Well, here's my first try at Sunday Songwriters Group, not bad I wouldn't say. (Wow, writing a song is alot harder than I thought) There's many things I don't like about my song the main things are that it sounds like a poem rather than a song and that verses are too short. Oh well the rest of the week is for fixing it up.
Winter's coming, it's almost here.
It's time to win, cause it's our year.
Blood and sweat, I gotta score.
Just a little harder, just a little more.
Feel the burn, it's not bad.
Gotta find that shot that you had.
Don't go around, go strait through.
Make damn sure they're afraid of you.
Winter's coming, it's almost here.
It's time to win, cause it's our year.
Blood and sweat, I gotta score.
Just a little harder, just a little more.
Six more days, our first game.
This time put that team to shame.
And they brag, oh that nerve.
This time we take what we deserve.
Winter's coming, it's almost here.
It's time to win, cause it's our year.
Blood and sweat, I gotta score.
Just a little harder, just a little more.
And another newcomer! Welcome to the SSG and please don't forget that one of the best ways of getting better as a songwriter is to look at and critique others. Don't think that just because you're new you don't have anything to contribute. Look at what works for you and what doesn't and don't be afraid to ask questions.
This is a very interesting take on the assignment. Are we talking hockey? I'm only guessing that bassed on the first verse (after the initial chorus). You could certainly add a little more imagery from whatever sport it is. Don't be afraid to use specifics in order to get images. In the second verse, for instance, you say:
Six more days, our first game.
This time put that team to shame.
And they brag, oh that nerve.
This time we take what we deserve.
You can make it more powerful by using the actual name of a team:
Six more days, our first game.
This time we'll put the Nets (or whoever) to shame.
They won't be bragging this time out
When we beat them in a 6 - 0 rout
Granted, that's not all that great either, but it does give you a more vivid feeling, making the song seem more active and less passive. It's about sport, it should be filled with active verbs.
Any ideas as to the music yet?
Looking forward to reading more of your material in the future weeks.
Peace
Hi Greatwhitneorth
welcome to SSG - glad you stopped by.
Interesting take on the assignment but seems a bit too specific. Could there be an option to look at this in a broader context comparing this sport to the summer sport that replaces it in our affections. For example, in the UK the winter season sport is football (or soccer) which is a 90 minute all out mad dash compared to the summer sport of cricket of which a single game can be played for five days and still end in a draw (or tie). Taking thos two and comparing and contrasting them could make for an interesting exercise.
Look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
