SSG Week 44 - The summer that never showed

Hey

This definitely catches the melancholy mood. Where are you planning on putting the chorus? Between every verse?

I'd like to suggest placing the chorus after the second verse and running the two verses together. You can then use an instrumental verse after the first time through the chorus to flesh things out a little before playing the third verse and then the chorus. Maybe the final time through the chorus wait for the final lines, something like:

And I'm warm under my blanket
Like the coffee's hot
Like fire's burning
I just can't stop
And I'm warm under my blanket
Like the coffee's hot
Like fire's burning
I just can't stop

Waiting for...
The summer that never showed x2

Which brings up the next point - I'm not sure "showed" is the word you want. I've tried singing this several times now and it just sounds weird. Maybe you've already got it parsed out and I'd love to hear it. So I'm sorry I'm skeptical about it working. "Came" works, but I think there's got to be something better. I'll put my thinking cap on...

Speaking of thinking caps, when I thought about going straight from verse 1 to verse 2, I thought it would give your second verse a little more cohesion, allowing you to get rid of the redundant ""all," like this:

The trees have all shed their skin
Leaves rustle round my feet, tryin' to get in
A flurry of colors knocking on my door
Tumbling from their summer place
September tears stream down their faces
Withered and helpless, they flee with the wind

I really like the feel of this and can't wait to hear the music. Worse, it goes great with the music I've come up with this week and since I'm still working on the lyric I'm now going to have this floating around in my brain. Thanks a lot! :wink:

As always, looking forward to more!

Peace

Hi

I agree with David, you certainly caught the melancholy mood that this non-summer seems to be all about. When reading it, I get the (music) feeling of something like "Fix You" by Coldplay - a slow, almost whinging sort of song (I mean that in a good way!)

I like the imagary of the "Flurry of colours" line.

My only problem is with the ryhme of "grace" and "faces" - since you are talking about the trees / leaves (not sure which), "faces" just doesn't seem right.

Otherwise, good job!

Pete

Hi manontheside

Definitely catches the mood of a missed summer. Some good suggestions from David to certainly follow up on but definitley a good start here.

Bob :wink:

Hi, thanks for the replies!

I haven't really decided on where to put the chorus just yet, but what I'm working on sounds very similar to what you're thinking, david. The last lines of the chorus changes the chords around a lot, so I was actually thinking about waiting to use them until after the third verse. As far as "showed" goes, it only works in an okay manner, I'm pretty sure there's a much better word out there as well. Those words are currently sung over the same G-F#-Em chord progression that you find in songs like hallelujah.

I especially like the way you've put the first and second verse together, I think I'll go for that. I wasn't quite happy about the "graces"-line in the second verse myself (and I was worried about the september tears cliche too)
Worse, it goes great with the music I've come up with this week and since I'm still working on the lyric I'm now going to have this floating around in my brain.

Guess I'll have to let you post first next week then :)