Well I wrote this one pretty quickly and I didnt have many ideas for it. Mainly because this week has been hectic because High School started up again. Sorry if I havnt been correcting anyones songs lately I just havnt gotten on Gn.com lately. I know my song is short but mabye I could repeat a few things??? :lol: :lol: :lol: ... anyway, enjoy...
The Riptide of my Life
(Verse One)
I've done a few things,
That weren't called for,
Then you came and saved me,
No ones done that before.
(Verse Two)
No one told me what to do,
Like driftwood in the sea,
Floated around until I found you,
That meant everything to me.
(Chorus)
You saved me,
from the riptide of my life,
It pulled me off my feet,
But you helped me to survive,
your the girl I'd like to meet.
(Verse Three)
The tides have turned,
My life has changed,
New seas ahead,
Ay! Maytee!
Full speed ahead.
(Chorus)
You saved me,
from the riptide of my life,
It pulled me off my feet,
But you helped me to survive,
your the girl I'd like to meet.
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Hi bstguitarist.
I like the overall idea of this one.
There were a few things that bothered me a bit, though:
"I've done a few things,
They weren't called for, " ----I'd say "that weren't called for"
"You're the riptide of my life,
Pulled me off my feet,
Helped me to survive,
The girl I'd like to meet." ----this bothers me because a riptide doesn't save people, it's kills people. The connotation of the riptide clashes with the idea that she helped you to survive.
I don't think it's too short - you might want to use a chorus between the first two verses and after the last verse to fill it out though.
:) Portia
Yes you do have a very good point with the riptide part. ill have to change it soon lol! thanks
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
I can see what you're getting at........
But like Portia said, you got your metaphors a little mixed ......I did'nt actually notice that till she pointed it out......
But reads well, just have to change that one line........!!!!!
Vic
:) :) :)
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
OK updated it so read it if you want to see the changes!
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Much better. That makes a lot more sense. :D
:) Portia
Thanks I appreciate it!
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
hey bst,
nice sweet little song. there is very genuine, unjadded sentiment here. i like it. it is nice to read a song in this vain, a bit uplifing and not at sad.
i could see the chorus repeated again, like previously mentioned. Ay! Maytee!
Full speed ahead :lol: i think these lines are cute, but i am not sure they fit. they may depending on how it will be sung and the music but by just reading it it seems out of place.
over all a good job.
-CheapThrill
Just edited it so take a look
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
hey bst,
nice rewrite. there is just one thing that i have to comment on that doesn't seem to fit.
your the girl I'd like to meetright before this line and in the rest of the song you mention how much this girl has already changed your life. so then why do you say you would like to meet her? haven't you already met her? just a little confusing to me.
also, from what i remember you had originally ended the song on verse 3. and that i think is what made those last two lines of that verse(that i commented on before) stand out so much. now those lines followed by the chorus don't bother me so much. but it does depend on how they are sung.
-CheapThrill
