And a good week to you all! Hope you took the time to read everyone else's stuff last week. If not, well, then get to it...
Week 10
Point of view (part2)
So last week we considered the first person narrative. This week I want you to take last week's song and rearrange it for a different point of view. I want you to consider the song in the third person (he, she, they etc). And, in case you were wondering, I do want you to choose somebody else's submission – stop groaning…
Good writing
Bob
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So, in other words, take someone else's song from Week 9 and write it from a different narrative viewpoint. This should be very interesting and a lot of fun, too.
Peace
hi all im joyce aka Pitney ive looked at this forum many times but never had the guts to post
before. i guess its about time i gave it a shot.
i chose this song from DillyDally because it really spoke to me.
Hope you dont mind man. anyway this is what i came up with.
i look forward to your comments :-)
Orginal song:
(verse 1)
All i feel is that I'm alone
through this sea,
i fall like stone
but unlike rock
i need my breath,
or on the bottom meet my death.
(verse 2)
My ears are popping,
lungs on fire
my booted feet caught in the mire
kicking and thrashing,
hard as I may
all the world's beauty turning to gray
(Chorus)
Will I sink or swim....Lose or win
Can't tread any longer
The undertow; the crashing waves
Life's anchor grows stronger
Questioning, what will it be
Sink or swim?
(verse 3)
One last push my body is freed
i break the surface
life guaranteed
for the moment
this water i'll tread
wondering why this time
i'm not dead
(verse 4 )
And as i ply these waters
gasping for air
buoyed by hope,
dragged down by despair
if my happiness is flagging
or life's light goes dim...
(Chorus)
Will I sink or swim....Lose or win
Can't tread any longer
The undertow; the crashing waves
Life's anchor grows stronger
Questioning, what will it be
Sink or swim?
My Submission:
V1
He feels so alone
Lost in a vast sea
Falling like a stone
Fighting to breathe
As heavy as a rock
That needs no breath
Aware at the bottom
He could meet with death
V2
His ears are popping
His lungs are on fire
His booted feet
Caught in the mire
He kicks and he thrashes
As hard as he may
As he sees the worlds beauty
Fading to gray
(chorus)
Does he sink or will he swim
Will he loose or can he win
Feeling the draw
Of the undertow's call
Crashing waves throw him
As deaths anchor becons
One question is growing
He searches one answer
"Will I sink, or can I swim?"
V3
He fights for the surface
As his body comes free
Gasping for the breath
That brings life's guarentee
Buoyed by the hope
The water he treads
The color in the sky
Proves he's not dead
V4
As he floats on the water
Breathing the oceans cool air
No longer dragged down
By death's anchor of despair
Is this happiness real
Or will life's light go dim
He knows that for now
His answer is SWIM
(ending chorus)
Does he sink or can he swim?
Will he loose or can he win
Feeling himself pulled
By the undertows whim
The waves gently take him
The shore calls to him
And the question is answered
This time he will swim
welll here it is....i hope you like is Dilly..... i look forward to your comments
Humbley Yours,
Joyce
