It's just a working title as it desperately needs a chorus which I'm gonna write tomorrow. But I was messing with David's Neil Young lesson in double drop D and this just dropped out, lol. I was just saying this week to a fellow GNer how I don't 'do happy' - guess the times they are indeed a-changing, lol.
Tried to have the weather feature prominently while trying to refrain from referring to it direclty (i.e. no hot/cold, no mention of the time of year, wind, rain, etc, wherever possible). The bits referencing choruses will hopefuly get filled in tomorrow.
The Ballad of Linen and Lace
1.
The fields are filled with foaming floral eyes
Feelers reach for deeply azure skies
Where the birds....are making themselves heard
2.
The air it bears the weight of crowds we just had to leave
Yeah, it's a different season, and it's driftin' through the reeds
The cotton candy dandelions are parachuting seeds
(Insert chorus later)
3.
I hoped my modesty could hide behind a dress of lace
But sunlight gushes through so my intentions can be traced
I'm graced by your golden kisses, just below a silent witness
4.
Elderflower veil from the branch of a makeshift crown
Lachrymal scents beg us to bring our bodies down
Ah, bless the alchemy....of sweat and dusty ground
(Again, chorus insert later)
5.
Your linen shirt it billows at ya waist
I wonder whether willows lie in wait
But none will grow today
I like the way this is going so far, but I've honestly no idea what you're going to do for a chorus! On first reading, it doesn't seem to need one....but of course that depends on the instrumentation, if there are solos etc.
I like your use of imagery, and I like the way you've used the weather in a kind of off-hand, peripheral manner - it's a scene-setter rather than a scene stealer.
The only thing I'm having trouble with is fitting the last stanza into the same kind of rhythm - the shorter lines kind of threw me a little. Wondering if you're changing things around there? Seems to be a nice laid-back nostalgic feeling about this - perhaps that last stanza would work in a softly-spoken voice. But I'll wait and see if you come up with a chorus before passing further judgement.
Looking forward to the completed version!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
My Tele arrived today, so as the prophet Jimi Hendrix once said, the chorus will have to "wait until tomorrow" 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) Its a beautiful guitar, btw, been doing loads of pickless playing, but that off topic, lol.
Yeah, I should have said, 5. changes melody, it's similar but the melody is squashed and slitghtly changed to fit half the space of the previous bits. I'm not too happy about the melody there, though, it starts sounding way to, uh, 'poppy' and glossy, but I'll work on it when I work on the chorus. Or I might lose it from the song, but I like the reference to the willows. I dunno. Spot on about me wanting it to be a sort of wistful, end-musing soft thing, though. :D :D
Thanks for the feedback!
Ooooh, congrats on the new Tele - the only thing that ever gives me serious GAS these days is hearing someone's bought a new Tele. Like when musica23 got a white one....my first thought was, "Ooh, I WANT one!" followed a split second later by "Hang on, I've already GOT one!".....
I'll forgive you for slacking this time - but if it happens again, you better have an excuse along the lines of, "Well Eric Clapton just gave me this red Gibson ES 335......"
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
wow. your lyrics are picturesque. beautiful. so many lines i can't help but marvel at...
"foaming floral eyes"
"cotton candy dandelions are parachuting seeds"
and the "modesty.." line
and the willows! subtle. if this were a painting it would be pencil and aquarel :wink:
i stumbled over the "ya" in the fifth verse, for it changed the style(if that is the right term) for me.. but upon re-reading it, i like it more and more.
really, even if you don't add a chorus (and if you do, a one-line-chorus would suffice already, for the verses are so ... rich), i am head over heels. wish my pen would write like that :wink:
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
this sounds like its going to be a beautiful song. i can't wait to hear the music.
sweet, thansk for the responses guys! I'm really liking this tune, but I am struggling with a chorus. It does need something else though, I'm gonna let it sit for a while first, though, since I like the tune a lot. The problem I'm having is the tune has some, uh, sweet, finger-picked guitar but staying on a C chord and alterations thereof a fair bit, and the melody is fairly slow. Plus, I'm still trying to find my voice, and I sing fairly low/deep for a chick, which really suits the start (lazy drawl, kinda thing), but clashes horribly with the dress of lace bit, so I gotta work it out and add more variation to the vocal line. All eminently do-able, its just that my voice is in horrible form right now, and its a departure for me, so I wanna do the work when I can commit it to tape and then 'learn it' if I have to, y'know? So I think the chorus, or other bit, will wait for that.
Def. agreed that any chorus would have to be simple and possible one-line or a repeat thereof. Just having some difficulty encapsulating everything I've packed into the verses in one line! But then, if I could do that, I'd have had little reason to write 5 verses...
thansk is, as we all know, polish for 'thanks' :wink:
