I've been messing about with this for a couple of days - I was noodling and came up with the intro riff, and thought about the SSG - came up with the first line, and I was off and running.......
Closer Than This.
Intro..... Am Em Am Em A G D/F# E
E |-----0-------0--------0-------0----0-0-3-3-2-2---0--|
B |---1---1---0---0----1---1---0---0--2-2-0-0-3-3---0--|
G |-2----------------2----------------2-2-0-0-2-2---1--|
D |---------2----------------2--------2-2-0-0-0-0---2--|
A |-0----------------0----------------0-0-2-2-0-0---2--|
E |---------0----------------0------------3-3-2-2---0--|
(Verse)
(E)Well there's a (A)cold wind (G)blowing down the (D)street, (E)
And (A)icy (G)rain is falling (D)down, (E)
(A)I should be (E)warm here in (F#m)front of the (F)fire,
(E)But I feel so cold and (G)alone, (D)
(Chorus)
So put your (A)lips a little (G)closer to the (D)phone, (E)
(A)Send (G)me a long-(D)distance (E)kiss,
(A)You should be here (E)but you're (F#m)out of my (F)reach,
(E)We should be (G)closer than (A)this, (E)yeah, yeah, (F#m)yeah, we should be (F)closer than (Am)this.
(repeat intro riff, starting with the last Am chord).....
(Verse)
The sun might shine, the rain might fall,
The weather's immaterial to me,
Black clouds are gathering around my heart,
I'm alone in a stormy sea,
(Chorus)
So put your lips....etc.
Repeat intro riff....(solo here, maybe? - haven't decided yet....)
(Chorus)
So put your lips....etc.
Finish with intro riff, but finishing with A Asus4 E A
Well - that's what I've got so far. Might need a little tweaking here and there, and I'm still pondering what to use - thinking acoustic guitar to open, electric coming in for the verses and choruses....I think I might get a decent song out of this, eventually!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I'm not too sure about the juxtaposition of such clean major chords with the downcast sentiments of the opening lines, tbh, but that might change on hearing the piece.
I'm really loving the E-Fsharpminor-F progression though, that's very sweet. :D And the second verse and chorus are IMHO the strongest bits lyrically.
As for recording, I'd be tempted to do some word-painting, using instrumentation to echo the description in the lyrics (and this may be why I'm uncomfortable about the major chord progression right now, lol). Obviously, there's a wealth of possibilities here but e.g. using harp or even saxophone or flute doing a Coltrane-esque sheets-of-sound run for the bit about rain falling down. also, depending on the melody you're using you could get a lot of mileage out of techniques like contrary motion between the vocal line (e.g. ascending) and acommpaniement) e.g. playing a descending run).the possibilities really are wide open for how you develop this one, but I think parts of the harmony lend themselves very well to developing an interesting arrangement.
also, just a thought, but you might want to see (again, melody permitting) if you can include chord csubstitutions as the tune progresses. I'm couching this in the magic If of what the tune actually sounds like, lol, but it might help to express the sentiment/shifting sentiments of the song.
Good work!
Thanks for the quick - and detailed - critique, Scrybe!
This IS just a rough draft as yet....I've by no means finished messing around with it. Matter of fact, I've just been messing about with the keyboard, to see what an organ would sound like - seems to add a little darkness and depth. Also thought of doubling the organ, maybe an octave higher, with something like a flute voice to make it more plaintive.
I was thinking of using Amadd9 (577500) G6 (355430) Dsus2/F# (200230) Esus4 (0222000) and E (022100) for the verses, but I seem to have been messing around with variations on that theme quite a lot lately....but as I say, it's by no means set in stone. There's Thursday and Friday untouched yet!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
And Saturday!
I feel a bit like I''m copping out if I don't suggest ideas or talk about what I like/dislike most, so no worries on the critique. Just giving thoughts.
do let me/us know how you get on with it. having reread your lyrics, I'm particularly liking the second verse - nice contrast between the, um, objective weather, and the 'personal weather' we all feel from time to time. :D
Well I'm certainly not going to get into as much detail as scrybe, but I will say I do like where the lyrics are going. Very nice!
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
See this is what I meant above. I have not too much to say about this other than I wish I had written it! I like the way the lyrics are both concrete and poetic.
See this is what I meant above. I have not too much to say about this other than I wish I had written it! I like the way the lyrics are both concrete and poetic.
Now that - and Kath's comment - give me a nice warm fuzzy feeling! Thanks girls!
OK, it's confession time - you know I've mentioned before how I never throw anything away? Well, the intro riff, the first verse and the chorus were originally written in Oct 1986. I got this idea for the assignment, had a riff going through my head - which is now the intro riff - and remembered the first line of this old song. Dug it out, read it, thought, "Hmmmm - that could work for this week's SSG assignment.
However, when I looked at the lyrics, I absolutely HATED the old second verse - which is why I've never done anything with it, until now. The old second verse lyrics are (or should I say, WERE as they're well and truly gone.....)
Things don't ever go to plan,
When you're miles and miles apart,
We should be here face to face,
And heart to heart.....
Binned, gone, dead and buried. Funny how Scrybe picked up on the new second verse as being lyrically better than the first, when it was written today as opposed to 12 years ago....evidence of maturity in writing at long last? I hope so.....
I must dig out some more of these "oldies" and see if any of them can be salvaged......
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I only try to give fairly detailed critiques because it forces me to pay attention! Its just me, I'm inherently lazy, not a comment on anyone else, lol.
Interesting reading about the song's gestation....
I have a few lyrics 'put to one side for now' myself, mainly because I like them enough to keep, but I can't figure how to make them work satisfactorily as whole songs.
That said, I've just poured out a large part of this week's assignment, so I'm off to get some sleep so I can 'finish' it and post tomorrow!
hey vic :D
boy, this song is older than me :lol: ain't it a very satisfactory feeling to finally be able to make an old fragment work :wink: does not happen to me very often. i like the lyrics, both first and second verse - although, the second seems to be more focused. "the weather's immaterial to me" and the "black clouds.." are my favourites, i think :D
also, i am very fond of your title!
i'll echo skrybe: keep us informed on how this goes on :D
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
