SSG10-Week48 Don't I Know You from Somewhere?
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===============Revised Version 3===================
She said Don't I know you from somewhere?
Fogging windows in the back of the car
Thought I knew you; guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Your name tattooed by my birthmark
Thought I knew you; guess I never did. No, no, no
I was such a fool for you; my head in a cloud
What I thought was love was just your fooling around
Thought I knew you; guess I never did.
She said Don't I know you from somewhere?
How my clothes all smelled like you
Thought I knew you; guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
That little chapel where you said “I do”
Thought I knew you; guess I never did. No, no, no
I was such a tool for you; just something to pound
You’d use me then you’d lose me; didn’t want me around
Thought I knew you; guess I never did.
solo
Don't I know you from somewhere?
See how the boy has your eyes
Thought I knew you; guess I never did. No, no, no
It’s hard to be mother when you do as you please
It’s hard to be a daddy when you’re out on the streets
Thought he’d get to know you; guess he never will
Thought he’d get to know you, but it’s best he never will
===============Revised Version 2===================
She said Don't I know you from somewhere?
Fogging windows in the back of the car
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Your name tattooed above my birthmark
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
I was such a fool for you; my head in a cloud
What I thought was love was just your fooling around
I thought I knew you, but I guess I never did.
She said Don't I know you from somewhere?
How my clothes all smelled like you
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
The rent spent on your gambling and booze
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
I was such a tool for you; just something to pound
You’d use me then you’d lose me; didn’t want me around
I thought I knew you, but I guess I never did.
solo
Don't I know you from somewhere?
See how the boy has your eyes
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
It’s hard to be mother when you do as you please
It’s hard to be a daddy when you’re out on the streets
I thought he’d get to know you, but I guess he never will
I thought he’d get to know you, but it’s best he never will
===============Revised Version 1===================
She said Don't I know you from somewhere?
Fogging windows in the back of the car
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Don’t I know how you had my heart?
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
I was such a fool for you; my head in a cloud
What I thought was love was just your fooling around
I thought I knew you, but I guess I never did.
She said Don't I know you from somewhere?
How my clothes all smelled like you
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Don’t I know all you put me through?
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
I was such a tool for you; just something to pound
You’d use me then you’d lose me; didn’t want me around
I thought I knew you, but I guess I never did.
solo
Don't I know you from somewhere?
See how the boy has your eyes
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
It’s hard to be mother when you do as you please
It’s hard to be a daddy when you’re out on the streets
I thought he’d get to know you, but I guess he never will
I thought he’d get to know you, but it’s best he never will
===============Original Version================
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Fogging windows in the back of the car
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Don’t I know how you had my heart?
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
I was such a fool for you; my head in a cloud
What I thought was love was just your fooling around
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did.
Don't I know you from somewhere?
How my clothes all smelled like you
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Don’t I know all you put me through?
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
I was such a tool for you; your heart safe and sound
You’d use me then you’d lose me; didn’t want me around
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did.
solo
Don't I know you from somewhere?
See how the boy has your eyes
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
It’s hard to be mother when you do as you please
It’s hard to be a daddy when you’re out on the streets
I thought he’d get to know you but I guess he never will
I thought he’d get to know you but it’s best he never will
Hi James
Like the beat, the sound and the overall feeling to this, but somehow I'm wishing there was a little more personality in it. The opening stanzas of each verse start out very promising, especially with great second lines (the "fogging the windows" and the "all my clothes smelled like you" and "the boy has your eyes") but the second stanzas seem very generic (again, dealing with the second lines like "don't you know you had my heart" and the "all you put me through" lines) and they seem to dilute the power of the preceding lines of that verse.
I'm hoping you get a chance to revisit this because it's got great potential.
Thank you again (and always) for the listen. Looking forward to more.
Peace
Hi Dave,
the second stanzas seem very generic (again, dealing with the second lines like "don't you know you had my heart" and the "all you put me through" lines) and they seem to dilute the power of the preceding lines of that verse.
I was doing it intentionally to see if a mix of specific and generic details would balance each other making it specific and universal....but then again "universal" and "generic" don't mean the same thing.
I'll take a look at this again as time allows :wink:
James
How about these for alternative lines?
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Don’t I know how you had my heart?
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
change to
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Maxing out all my credit cards
or
Isn't your name tattooed on my heart?
or
That's your name tattooed on my heart
or
That's your name tattooed in the heart
or
That's your name tattooed on my arm
I thought I knew you; I guess I never did. No, no, no
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Don’t I know all you put me through?
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
change to
Don't I know you from somewhere?
The rent spent on (your) brand new shoes
or
The rent spent on (your) gambling and booze
or
Isn't your name on my heart tattoo?
I thought I knew you but I guess I never did. No, no
feedback?
I like it, but the story has me a little lost. While there are many indications that the couple were together for a long time, that doesn't fit with asking "don't I know you from somewhere?" "Fogging the windows" is a good line, but that makes it seem like they were not together very long and didn't really know each other.
I wouldn't use the "maxing out all my credit cards" line and I would probably drop this line: "The rent spent on your gambling and booze." I think those lines detract from what seems to be the central story that the two didn't really know each other, but spent a lot of time together and had a baby sometime after they split up.
Renee
Reminds me of way back when - I would remember far more people, especially girls, than knew me :lol: Agree with Dave and Renee's comments, I like the tune, since it has a "moments in time" focus, am thinking some sensory details (what kind of car, tattoo details, what did "you" smell like) would really put some vavoom in it :arrow: Also wondering about the line "I thought I knew you; I guess I never did". It has four first person "I"'s which reads as a bit much, thought occurs that could say the same with "guess I never knew you" and use the available syllables to add something more powerful to the hook? Just my two cents, use what helps, ignore the rest :D
Thanks Renee and Andy for the comments :D
I can see how my assumption didn't carry over. I was assuming these were moments in a long term relationship....dating....maybe moving in together or marriage.....having a child together.....All the while the singer is equating time with knowing someone, but realizes the singee isn't the man she hoped he'd become.
I would probably drop this line: "The rent spent on your gambling and booze."
Let's have a wedding then :note1: ......how about......
"That little chapel where you said "I do"
It has four first person "I"'s which reads as a bit much,
I'll think on that a bit....I don't really mind if it reads a bit much if it sings ok....but I'll play around with some variations.
....update.....Yeah, Andy, I think it works dropping some of the "I"s.....thanks for that! :wink:
James
Another 5 star effort. I like the use of "no, no, no" as botha plot device and a rhythmic statement. Kind of like the Beatles "Yeah, yeah, yeah"
And that's a good thing
Thanks, MrEWorm :D
