SSG2-11 Ja'mir

Hi Jamir

these are two very, very good submissions.  The shades of light song is hauntingly sad.  Broken to One is very potent.  

Excellent stuff

Bob  :)

Great job on Shades of Light Jamir.  The first verse could be strengthened a bit, I think, with a subtle change from:
"Loose threads woven in your mind ,
a familiar scent, a lost item you find "
to "Loose threads I weave in your mind ,
plant familiar scents, the lost item you find".
This adds a bit of foreshadowing, which you gradually strengthen as the song progresses.  This song has very strong visual conceptionalization properties.  Very Wuthering Heights.  Cool.

Broken To One does an excellent job of portraying the hopelessnes felt in so much of this troubled world.  The short lines add to the message by accentuating the despair of the subjects.  Great work.

Thanks Bob and Maxwell.

i agree with your suggestions Maxwell, and have changed them accordingly

but such big words for a monday night accentuating took me a while before I could pronounce it at this time of night  ;)
go well
Ja'mir

I liked both of your songs! The first song is very imag... hmmm... very pictur... I see pictures when I read it! The second one is brave, I think, because it could easily had become more Live Aid than Marvin Gaye. By the way, is Rainbow Land another name for USA?

Hi'a Jonsi
No The Rainbow Nation , rainbow land and rainbow people is the other name for South Africa. It was adopted by Nelson Mandela because of all the different colours of people here, and it has just stuck

once again GREAT job!!!!! Glad to see you're back.
Keep up the good work.

Hi Jamir! About the Rainbow Land: when you tell me it rings a bell! I understood it had something to do with colours of the skin.

(1993 or 1994 a white woman from South Africa visited my class in school. She told us South Africa actually was really rich! It had the best health care in the world and the nature ... wow ... it was amazing! She thought it was a shame that the world just saw the race problem, when South Africa had such beautiful nature! And she was talking a lot! My classmates all looked really confused, and eventually I fell asleep. I still wonder who this woman was. Why did she talk about South Africa in a school in the most northern part of Europe? Who payed her bills? Why? Maybe you should play your song for her? Well, this was out of topic... Maybe someone will write a song about it? Title: Misplaced Propaganda)

Hi Jonsi

great job

inkpen :)

Misplaced? Jonsi, I think the woman was doing exactly what the world needs so much more of- sharing the beauty and the wonder that is common to us all.  It is so easy to focus on our differences, our biases, dislikes, hatreds and animosities.  Those are the things that drive the wars of the world and feed the terrorist machines, which create the wars, that feed the terrorist machines, ad continuum,  ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

We must always reach for the beauty.  I was very young when I saw the movie "All quiet on the Western Front".  The only scene I remember is I think the final scene, where the young German soldier is reaching from the trench toward a butterfly. You see his reaching hand and the butterfly, hear a rifle shot, then his hand goes limp.   Even in the darkest depths of war, when there was only pain and darkness, there was still hope contained in the beauty of that single butterfly.

If you ever get to visit other parts of the world, I hope you will visit a classroom and share the beauty of Northern Europe.  That goes for everyone here. When you travel, share your world with inquiring young minds.  The many peoples of the world are not all that different inside.  If we can all see that, and share that knowledge, thats one step closer to peace.

Unless you were saying she was downplaying the race problem, saying it wasn't a problem.  That's a different story.

Maxwell! I totally agree with you. There's nothing wrong about sharing beauty, I try it all the time when I write a lyric for instance, but yes, she was downplaying the problem... And it was disturbing.

Now I understand, and I see how that would be disturbing.  Beauty must be tempered with reality.

Hey, i was real excited thinking I had soooo many more suggestions for my 2 songs, and I found a political debate on SA.
To put the record straight, all South Africa has going for it is beauty. The economy is shot, unemployment is rife, especially if you are white, no one is allowed to employ you,  the health care is non existant and all the races hate eachother. Babies are being raped by men who have aids as "witch doctores" say it will cure them, We have a rape every 6 seconds and a murder every 20 seconds, Welcome to the third world people.
I am thinking of moving to Palistine , I think it may be safer, and at least they have a reason to fight.

Go well
Jamir ;)

To put the record straight, all South Africa has going for it is beauty. And at least one great singer/songwriter   ;)