SSG2 - Week 38 - Daddy When Are You Coming Home?

Very unusual to hear a song from a two year old - works great!!!!

Well I like it.......especially the last part, the mother and father have tears in their eyes and the little girl's smiling.......I can just see that smile, take a nuke to wipe it away!!!!

Good stuff!!!

:) :P :D

Hi Shawn,

I have to second Vic's observation on this one, that it's really interesting to see (hear) the story through the eyes of the 2 year old.

It took me a while to sort out the point of view in the first verse. (could be that I'm just dense) I think the line "Mommy's sad, she cries a lot, and she's too big for me to hold" is wonderful!

The rhyming, meter, and such all work very well. In the bridge, there are 2 lines that you might be able to tighten up a bit:

"I'm too young to even understand anything about a war." and,
"Until I see you standing there near, holding mommy in your arms"

In the first one, "even understand anything about a war" - can you drop "even" and keep the meter? I'm probably just reading it wrong, but it seems like a mouthful to try to sing.
And in the other line, the phrase: "... see you standing there near,..." The words There near seem awkward to me.

Have you thought of telling this through the little girls eyes, but in the 3rd person?

Overall, this is really good. Very touching. and very "up" at the end.

I was in Desert Storm, and missed my first daughter being born. To this day, the worn out picture of me holding her and her mother when I came home, is one of her favorite pictures. (she's a teenager now... the war was easier!) But all that just to say, I can relate to this story, and I think you told it well.

-- Scratch 8)

Daddy When Are You Coming Home?
Edited: 7/20/04 @ 11:10am
Singer/Songwriter: Shawn Tooley

Verse One:

Gettin' on that plane was the hardest thing he had to do.
Said goodbye to his wife and baby girl, she was only two.
He had to go to work, they told her, it seemed like any other day,
She was too young to understand "Iraq" but it's a word she learned to say.

Chorus:

Daddy when are you coming home?
Mommy's sad, she cries a lot and she's too big for me to hold.
Daddy when are you coming home?
I miss you and I love you, I just wanted you to know.

Verse Two:

Each morning seemed so empty without him at the breakfast table.
She could sit without her booster seat - he always knew that she was able.
But everytime the telephone rings and she hears mommy say hello,
her eyes get so big with hope and joy, could it be a voice she'll know?

(Sing Chorus Once)

Bridge:

She's too young to even understand anything about a war.
She just want things around the house to be like they were before.
Until she sees him standing there, holding mommy in his arms,
She'll just hug this old brown teddy bear hoping he stays safe from harm.

Verse Three:

It was really early when mommy woke her up.
Got her dressed and gave her breakfast - then they both got in the truck.
Down the road about an hour to his military base
She will always remember the tears in their eyes, but a smile is on her face!

NewChorus

Daddy I'm so happy that your home.
Never go to work again - never let me go.
Daddy I'm so happy that your home.
Daddy I'm so happy that your home.

(((Notes: Ok, I tried re-wording this using pronouns to push the 3rd person aspect. I like it - it works well and switches back to 1st person for the choruses. Thanks for the awesome advice!)))

Shawn,
I'm sure you will know who this is. You have no idea how much that song means to me. Thank You

^^ That would be the "mommy" in the song.

Thanks BrightEyes :)

Shawn,

I meant to say so earlier, but got distracted. (hectic week) Anyways, the switch to 3rd person in the verses, and 1st person in the chorus really works well. Good job.

-- Scratch 8)

Very moving, touching.

I like, especially the new version.

Good stuff,

Pete. :)

hey shawn,

great song i really liked it. it almost made me cry.

-CheapThrill