Once again, it's been forever since I've done an SSG assignment - which is sad, 'cause I sincerely intend to write something every week. Oh well, here goes:
Dive
V1
Mesmerized I watch
my dreams float on the waves
surfacing to call to me
and then drifting away
I've dipped my toes beneath the surface
many times before
but the icy, racing waves have always
kept me on the shore
CHORUS
I've got to dive
head first
got to know
that I'm alive
got to quench
my thirst
to get a taste of the divine
I've got to dive
V2
Cautiously I wade into
the rocky water's edge
feel the cool splash of freedom
taste the sweet spray of success
the chop picks up and then I feel
the riptide pull me in
when a gulp of failure chokes me
has me running for dry land
CHORUS
I've got to dive
head first
got to know
that I'm alive
got to quench
my thirst
to get a taste of the divine
I've got to dive
V3
As I crawl back ashore
I'm coughing up my dreams
shivering and half drowned
I'm dripping of defeat
as I collapse onto the rocks
shame washing over me
I glimpse my goal taunting me
dancing in the deep
CHORUS
I've got to dive
head first
got to know
that I'm alive
got to quench
my thirst
to get a taste of the divine
I've got to dive
BRIDGE
So I climb
to the highest peak
close my eyes
hold my breath
and in one proud moment
I release my feet
and plunge toward
the infinate depths
CHORUS
At last I dive
head first
and I know
that I'm alive
at last I quench
my thirst
and get a taste
of the divine
at last I dive
-Portia
wow amazing song!!...great imagery....not sure i can say id change anything...........really really really like this peice....probably my fav of yours i think......
Good song!!
Keep It Up!!
Rain Shadow
yes i agree it was great, i love your verses! especially...
Cautiously I wade into
the rocky water's edge
feel the cool splash of freedom
taste the sweet spray of success
fantastic! i'm not quite sure that the chorus captures as much as the verse but its still awesome!
A perfect way to take in this week's assingment. I loved this piece. I agree with everyone. Imagery, verses, the chorus, everything. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Nothing to add to the above comments really, 'cept to say I really liked it - looking forward to hearing this one!!!!
Captures the assignment perfectly.....awash with imagery, and you've managed to sustrain it throughout the piece....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Portia,
Ditto on all of the previous postings.
Favorite line :
I'm coughing up my dreams
Great Work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Celt
Wow, thanks so much guys. This has got to be the nicest place on the net.
Guitargeek - I agree with you that the chorus is probably not as strong as the verses. If anyone has any suggestions for improvement, let me know - I'm at a loss.
I made a rough recording of this song this afternoon. If anyone's interested in hearing it, you can find it at http://portia.dmusic.com scroll down to the guitarnoise SSG section and it's titled Dive. Let me know what you think.
:) Portia
Nice voice, great song. Very impressed.
Jim
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
i read this more like a book with pictures than a song because of it's narrative pacing. i did this.. i did that.. then i did this.. it reads as a series of events. i wanna turn the page. it's all a matter of opinion but i dislike this in my songs. i don't care WHAT you're doing, it's the emotion you have to get across. music, dialog.. even in musicals you act out the action.. you don't speak it. it would be nicer if i felt what you said rather than understand a series of events that are symbolic.
in short... i think this would make a great book. i just don't understand how it fits to music. hopefully you won't see this as me trashing you, and hopefully you won't think i'm a big headed smarty pants. i am fully aware that this is just my opinion and so should you.
oh yeah. and 5 choruses? mighty brave i says. ever heard the band Low? everyone could use a little slowcore in their life. http://www.chairkickers.com has some awsome videos to download. i say this cuz i wouldn't mind hearing them sing this song only 5 times slower.
to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects
geoo - thank you. Actually, I'm not too happy with the vocals - I have a sinus infection and it's a little nasal/pitchy but I'm glad it's not too noticeable.
geoffrey - I guess the narrative thing isn't for everyone. We will just have to agree to disagree on this point. I personally tend to prefer narrative songs. I find that when you follow the events of the story with the narrator, you get a feel for/ can identify with the emotion or series of emotions they're going through. Of course, most (if not all) songs are about emotion. There are just many different ways to get there. As for the 5 choruses, this is a fairly common song structure - I wouldn't consider it brave. ABABABCBB Of course, more common would be ABABCBB, but I simply have an extra verse, and therefore an extra chorus. The chorus is the hook, the repetative link that connects the other parts of the song. If you look at a lot of commercial songs, you will actually find the chorus repeated more times than that.
:) Portia
BAH, I think there is a time and place for narrative song. If you listen to it, the style fits perfectly. I do agree it is lenghty.
Geoffrey, you and I should produce a televised talent show where cookie cutter contestants compete for a national recording contract. You can be the bad "cop" that is too hard on everyone, and I will point out all the goodness in the world.. WHAT??!!? Its already been done??!?? Dangit.
Portia, the vocals sounded fine. At the beginning it sounded a tad like you were nervous and that always makes it difficult but by the chorus it sounded like you eased into it. I watch "Nashville Star" every week and you could easily have 4th place this season, even with your sinus infection.
Get to feeling better too.. By the way.
Jim
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
without trying to sound like i'm looking for a fight.. if you're looking for good examples of songwritting... radio, tv, and other commercial outlets are the LAST place to look. i'm not saying it's never been done. i'm not saying it's never been done well. i'm saying it's brave cuz you're hoping someone is going to hear it 5 times and a) not be bored enough to turn it off and then b) feel like they haven't heard it enough and purchase the album so they can hear it over and over again. less is more. that sorta thing. my personal max. chorus is 3. mainly cuz after that i feel like i'm reminding myself how the song goes and not the audience how awsome the part is. but i generally over think things driving me insane.
anywho. i didn't say it didn't work for you. i'm just clarifying what i meant.
to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects
Sounds great for a rough recording!! loved the song, I did not think it was to long!! the last chorus made the song for me, Grining ear to ear!!!--- the dog
The song sang beautifully. I thought your voice was awesome, and I couldn't notice the sinus infection. Loved it. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
What I really liked about this song when I read it was the chorus
I've got to dive
head first
got to know
that I'm alive
got to quench
my thirst
to get a taste of the divine
I've got to dive
I got an image of breathless excitement, that fear come urgency that that you get when you want to do something but maybe are a little reluctant. Then the change of pace in the verse, which is a nice contrast. I liked the song even better when I heard it especially the bridge and the last chorus.
