hey everyone, i just stumbled onto this board a few days ago and as im a songwriter and want to be a famous musician, I thought this would be great for me. so this is my first assignment and it was interesting to write being that I write hard rock or metal songs most of the time. I strayed a little outside the guidelines but tried to follow as well as i could. Love to hear your feedback. O and musically it was kinda a upbeat vibe to it, almost a zz top style but with more blues.
No,No,No by Nico Filice
This year ain't been no picnic, No,No,No
I said this year aint been no picnic, No,No,No
I been cut up, shot down, and beat from head to toe.
My woman aint been no rose,with petals on her head
No my woman ain't been no rose, now petals on an empty bed.
I used to love this woman,but that was long ago.
One day I bust into my room and find her sleeping with the man next door
Instrumental 1
This job aint been no sunset, all work and no play
Said this job and been no sunset, and me boss keeps yellin at me
So I quit my job, grabbed my stuff and went.
Now ima washed up man livin on the street cause I couldn't pay my rent.
Instumental 2
This year ain't been no picnic, No,No,No
I said this year aint been no picnic, No,No,No
I been cut up, shot down, and beat from head to toe.
Hi Nico
And welcome to the SSG!
Can definitely hear a ZZ Top kind of feel to this. Might also work with a harder approach, too. You can find the blues format used in almost any type of music.
Quick question - in the second verse, did you mean "petals" instead of "pedals?"
Looking forward to reading (and hopefully hearing one day!) more of your songs.
Peace
ya i did thank you, i edited it. O and as for your question in my other song topic (week two) I tend to write with hard rock and metal in mind (mix three days grace and guns n roses to get a general idea) but also I write softer alt rock ballads when I feel up to it (oasis meets goo goo dolls).
Ahh i think I misunderstood. I halvn't come up with the music yet but im working on it.
Hello
I strayed a little outside the guidelines but tried to follow as well as i could.
There is some good imagery here but I think this could be a better Blues if the guideline were more strictly adhered too .
This year ain't been no picnic, No,No,No
I said this year aint been no picnic, No,No,No
I been cut up, shot down, and beat from head to toe
Good imagery but doesn't quite have the Mojo of a Blues:
This Life ain't been no picnic, No Sunday Bar-B-Que
I said this Life ain't been no picnic, No Sunday Bar-B-Que
I been cut up, shot down, beaten and I ache from head to toe
I know that means coming up with a new title. Maybe, Life Ain't No Picnic?
My woman ain't been no rose,with pedals on her head
No my woman ain't been no rose, now pedals on an empty bed.
I used to love this woman,but that was long ago.
One day I bust into my room and find her sleeping with the man next door
Once again some good imagery but maybe a little to much.
My woman ain't been no rose,with petals on her head
No my woman ain't been no rose,No soft petals on her head
I used to love that woman, 'til I found her in our neighbor's bed
In the hope that you are still reading this and haven't written me off as a total jerk I'll continue.
This job aint been no sunset, all work and no play
Said this job and been no sunset, and me boss keeps yellin at me
So I quit my job, grabbed my stuff and went.
Now ima washed up man livin on the street cause I couldn't pay my rent
Really like the whole Boss angle just needs a little tightening up.
This job aint been no sunset, all workin' and no play
Said this job and been no sunset, Boss man doggin' me all day
Now I'm livin' out on the street, Cos I quit ain't got no pay
Of course this is just my opinion.
John
I thought this song was pretty good, but i like Celt's tightening suggestion's ever better. Gotta listen to him, he really knows the blues.
