hello...for I didn't feel confident with "the burden of indifference"(at least not when it should be somehow blueslike)here is my second attempt:
Rainy Sunday afternoon
I hoped you'd be back by now
On Sundays you always returned
My memories act as if somehow
That was always when again the light burned
Clouds up in the sky
It's a rainy Sunday afternoon
The day comes full circle once more
And so our lives should, too
Guess we missed each other narrowly, cause
Otherwise I'd no longer feel blue
Blue
Bluesy
But there are
Clouds up in the sky
It's a rainy, a rainy Sunday afternoon
No light where I lie
Still hoping for you to reappear soon
i think this works better as a blues song...quite simple phrases...I first wanted to use "Otherwise you'd now be here and I'd no longer feel blue" but it was way too long so never mind;-)
see ya
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
How in the world can someone calling themselves bluenightangel claim that they don't understand the Blues? :D
No worries, this is a good piece. I agree with you that it's better than the "burden of indifference" piece you submitted. At least as a blues tune. The "blue, blue, bluesy" line throws me a little bit, but that could be because I don't know how the music goes. Anyways, good job.
-- Scratch
hey scratch
thanx...well I just wasn't too sure if what I think blues is is really blues;)
as for the music...I always have difficulties with finding melodies(and if I finally have one then I have no lyrics that match...)-but I imagined the line you stumbled about to be sung like 'otherwise I'd no longer feel blue, blue, bluesy' I mean like a increase, getting to a climax...whatever I guess it's pointless to try to explain it in words;)
love
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
I guess it's pointless to try to explain it in words;)
Then let's hear it - get it recorded and get it posted. ;)
I like the song it's got a nice blues feel to it. There's a couple of lines I stumble mainly because of their length more than anything.
The last line of the first verse
That was always when again the light burned
is awkward and isn't something you would normally say so all I'd do is drop the again. Also change returned in the second line to return.
Last two lines of the second verse could be revisited as I don't tink they're as good as the rest, just have another look and see what you think.
One other thing, is the chorus supposed to be different second time around to close the song out? If it is then it's OK I think it works well.
Good stuff
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
hi...
that's easy to say...get it recorded-how shall I do that?I have a microphone(a rather bad one) but I've somehow failed to get it connected with the computer so all I could do is tape it on a cassette-and how do I get it 'into' my pc then?...argh
as to your advice...
wouldn't it change the meaning if I changed returned to return?cause I mean that the person missing has not returned yet& will not return, so the 'returned' was supposed to express that the always repeating action has stopped
and the line with the 'again' was supposed to mean that the light burned only when the person was there/came back...anyway I think I could let it drop
and yes the 2nd chorus should sound different.
thx
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
