Woody Guthrie Style. Replies always welcome.
Willie Todd was an outlaw
Who roamed through the west
And of all the gunslingers
They say he was the best
Now poor Willie sleeps in his grave
All for the love of a Mexican maid
It was out in Laredo
In the midsummer heat
Willie came riding in
Down the main street
He wasn't looking for trouble to start
He came for Juanita, the queen of his heart
He tethered his horse at the Longbranch Saloon
Walked into the bar like an eager bridegroom
A cowboy named Shepley called for him to draw
And Willie's gun flashed before he even saw
As poor Shepley's body lay still on the floor
Juanita saw Willie from behind the door
She cried,"Darling Willie,now you must run
or you'll never see the setting of the sun"
"Oh Willie, my Willie I fear for your life
For I was hoping you'ld make me your wife
I'll meet you at midnght outside of town
With money and horses, for the border we're bound"
Willie arrived by the light of the moon
Hoping Juanita would be there real soon
He called out her name, a shot rang in the night
And that was the end of Willie Todd's life
But that's not the end of the story they say
Juanita married the sheriff the next day
Hi Lefty
Really liked the punch line. Wasn't expecting it at all! I guess neither was Willie ;)
The only thing that threw me was that midway through the second verse you changed your line length without changing the meter. I totally understand how it works out, but it did take a minute to get back into it. That's yet another problem with simply reading things, I guess!
You might want to sharpen some of the meter here and there but overall this was fun. I especially like the fact that you even give your supporting cast names. With that sort of detail, you want to have as much action as possible and help yourself whittle down some of the extraneous stuff. So, for instance, you could change this:
He tethered his horse at the Longbranch Saloon
Walked into the bar like an eager bridegroom
A cowboy named Shepley called for him to draw
And Willie's gun flashed before he even saw
To
He tethered his horse at the Longbranch Saloon
Walked into the bar like an eager bridegroom
He heard brash young Shepley call him to draw
And Willie's gun flashed before Shep' even saw
Just a thought. Looking forward to reading more of your lyrics.
Peace
Thanks Dave for the kind words. This was a first draft so I'm sure there are some revisions that can be made.I know a pro songwriter in Nashville who does at least six rewrites before he considers a song finished. Thanks for your suggestions. I always enjoy reading and studying your articles and lessons. Keep up the good work.
All the best from a fellow left-hander.
