This is the first time that i am going to post on SSG, I have a friend that thinks it would be a great opportunity for me... I just hope that i can write as good as him. It is kinda hard because now i have to commit to writing weekly, but i guess that is why we are here.
KISS ME
(Chorus)
When I look into your eyes
My heart begins to dance
And to feel the touch of you
My legs start to shiver
Every time i kiss you
Oh, I can't stop loving you
Kiss me once
And i am yours
Kiss me twice
Your who i adore
Kiss me thrice
Don't stop now
And we'll continue on this path until one of us is done
(Chorus)
When I look into your eyes
Nothing better than
To fell the touch of you
Nothing better than
Every time i kiss you
Oh, I can't stop loving you
Every time i kiss you
Oh, I can't stop loving you
Every time i kiss you
Oh, I can't stop loving you
Well this is kinda in the style of the Chords - "Sh-Boom", which is from the same era (1954ish). If there is too much confusion on the rhythm of the piece, i will post a recording of it.
-k01e
I just hope that i can write as good as him
That'd be... as well as him.
Sorry, k01e. Couldn't resist. Feel free to pick on my grammar as much as you like... there's plenty of fodder there. ;)
Anyways, your song. Really good. Kind of an interesting structure, I think, but it looks like it would work really well. Besides, I like "thrice."
-- Scratch
Nice job, K01e! (And is that pronounced "kay-one-ee" or "Kay-oh-won-ee" like the popular native american name? ) Â ;)
I can really relate to this song. Â I remember my heart going all wizz-loopy and my knees giving out with some of those "first kisses." Â Sigh!
They may work better with the music, but some of your verses might flow better with a consistant rhyme. Â For example, could you say on the second line, "My heart begins to quiver?"
I love the chorus. Â I just hear the music with that one. Â However, just because I can't leave well enough alone, will you permit me a little tweaking?
Kiss me once,
you're who I adore
Kiss me twice
and I am yours
Kiss me thrice
I must have more
And we'll tremble in each other's arms until tomorrow morn
I felt kinda bad that one of us might ever "be done," so I thought I might just have you stay the night, instead.
Then the last verse I meddled around with, too:
"When I look into your eyes
Nothing's better than Â
To feel your hand's caress
 And touch your lips again"
Then into that great finish...
Anyway, there's a few suggestions. Â I can't wait to read more of your lyrics!
I like it. It's good for the time in early rock and roll/pop. and to me there's nothing more fun.
