hello...
here we go:
"Savage garden of a grass widow"
The waves of this midnight blue blanket
Hugging the beloved land of my ancestors
They are gently rocking to sleep
The sparks of light sprawled on
The surface of the sea
This is true violence
The way the dark green meadow
Stretches out into the unknown
And the view of the weeping willows
Leaning against the wind
Is a melody of unique beauty
It will always be
Returning to me
And the moon paints me blue
Paints your face
It always has
The birds greet the night that
Slightly wraps the living and the dead-
All the pieces of this puzzle
Covered by raven velvet
I'm breathing more evenly
As the troubles of the day wear off
This is truly vicious
And the moon, yes it paints me blue
Paints your face, like it always has
Oh and that melody
It will return to me
so let me say some things about it.
first of all thanx to homeboy hug for if it wasn't for his title'violence' I wouldn't have had the idea for this song ;)
as for my title 'savage garden of a grass widow', everyone who has read the vampire chronicles by ann rice(exspecially 'the vampire lestat') know this phrase...'beauty is a savaga garden. it is not the treachery you imagine it to be. rather it is an uncharted land where one can make a thousand fatal errors. a wild and indifferent paradise without signposts of evil or good.'-that's beautiful, isn't it? :)
I know the meaning of grass widow but I somehow wanted it to go with my nature-imaginary...also thought of something like tree widow or whatever...means I wanted it to be like the widow of something to do with nature and not the widow of a husband...unless you are married to a tree :P
alright, any opinions are welcome
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Bluenightangel,
Very intriguing lyrics... What type of music did you have in mind for this? I can imagine something serene and peaceful, but then you do have that "savage, vicious" aspect...
Your verses aren't quite even, switching around from 5 lines to 7 to 6 to 5. It's unconventional but I think I see how it could work...is that what you intended?
Nice, original work.
- SP
Hi
These lyrics definitely create a moody atmosphere, but like Silly Putty, I can't help but wonder how one might set this to music and would like to "hear" how you're hearing this in your head.
Peace
hi
and again it comes down to the music...as I said so often I almost never have a certain melody in mind while writing lyrics...turns out to develop to a kind of a problem, huh?
all i know is that it is supposed to be a more silent song and the music like typical celtic stuff...you can also hear the wind blowing, the waves crushing...whatever I reckon I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
anyway I think the savage/violence/vicious thing isn't out of line in a wistful silent song...
God I feel so stupid right now.
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Bluenightangel
Don't feel stupid because there's absolutely no reason to feel that way!
One of the inherent problems with this forum is that music is an aural thing and when I'm reading a lyric, I can't help but try to "hear" it being sung. Sometimes knowing what the writer had in mind can help smooth out things that seem strange on paper.
Rightly or wrongly, songwriting is by its nature very rhythmic. The vast majority of songs tend to have lyrics that follow the patterns of the music. That's why a lyric's meter and flow are important.
We are all here on this particular forum (or at least that's my understanding) to try and become better songwriters. Knowing that this has a bit of a Celtic feel to it definitely helps me put a better feel to the reading of the lyrics.
Truly sorry for making you feel badly.
Peace
Hi Bluenightangel
I like this - it's very moody and I can make that Celtic connection work in my head. Some great lines in there I particularly like:
And the moon paints me blue
Paints your face
It always has
very evocative.
Good stuff
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
hello...
I was in France(with my parents...*boring*)the last week so I couldn't take part in the last assignement and I also couldn't answer earlier, sorry:)
dhodge...you don't need to feel sorry, I know I should try a lttle more seriously to find melodies and stuff...anyway thank you for what you said, it really helped me:)
hey bob;) no need to shorten lines this time?:) yeah I like the lines you mentioned too and the best thing about them is they just came to my head when I did not expect them at all, and they amazingly fitted into this song I was working on:) wonderful.
so, see you soon
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
I got out one of my "sleepy-time" cds that has nothing but celtic instrumental and listened to that while reading your lyrics over again. I really like the sound of the words in that wistful, mournful tune. Great job and I agree with Bob about this particular part:
And the moon paints me blue
Paints your face
It always has
very thought evoking.....love it!
