Hi,
I have to credit Uke923 for the inspiration for this one, and MarvelousOptimist for the kick in the pants to write it. Uke's song for last week reminded me of something I'd seen way many years ago, and that's the genesis of this song. I'm not real sure about the format / structure, it seems weird to have chorus, 5 verses, chorus, but the chorus kind of "bookends" the story. So I'm fairly pleased with it, even if it's weird. But like always, I'm open to any suggestions.
BONES
=====
[chorus]
Thanksgiving takes on many forms
and people worship many ways,
music sounds quite different,
as you go from place to place,
These truths are universal,
they're things that I've long known,
But I never knew them keener,
than when the hobo played the bones.
A crisp October evening in the harvest time of year,
My friend was playing bass that night,I tagged along to hear.
Those mountain folk worked hard all year for the meager crops they raised,
and that night they left their cabins, to give their Maker praise.
They all packed out the town hall, and the band was playing well,
and they seemed to like the music, but it was different, I could tell.
then a little, haggard, grey-haired hobo, hobbled through the door,
and the band they finished early, 'cause no one listened anymore.
The man was just a hobo, but you'd thought he was a king,
they brought him chow and cider, then they gathered in a ring,
when he ate his fill of apples, bacon, beans and fried corn pone,
he reached into his vest and pulled out two dried chicken bones.
I don't mind saying that I stared 'cause it sure looked strange to me,
but the crowd just gazed upon him with anticipated glee,
He cradled them between his knuckles and he shook his hand up high,
then he started clacking out a rhythm on his open palm and thigh.
Oh the music that he played that night on the framework of a bird,
if Stradivarious played his fiddle nobody would have heard,
the people danced and carried on 'til the man stood up and waved,
then just as quickly as he came, out the door he strayed.
[chorus]
Thanksgiving takes on many forms
and people worship many ways,
music sounds quite different,
as you go from place to place,
These truths are universal,
they're things that I've long known,
But I never knew them keener,
than when the hobo played the bones.
-- Scratch
Ah just Brilliant. Great story... and you did it very well. I don't think the chorus bookends are odd. They work just fine. I knew you could do this one well. Good work as always.
-Marv
Absolutely grand altogehter Scratch, can't find one thing I'd change.... really excellent. Very visual, excellent story line.
go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Scratchmonkey,
I have to agree with Marv and Ja'mir: great job on this! I love the way you tell a clear story while keeping the strong flow and rhyme scheme intact. Bravo.
- SP
Ha-ha, thanks Scratch, I don't think I've ever inspired anyone (quite to that degree) before. There is one minor change that I think I would make: The man was just a hobo, but you'd thought he was a king, I would change "thought" to "think" just because it seems to be more gramatically correct. Great song, though!
Hi Scratch
I really enjoyed this and I think that it's a great example of what Bob was looking for in this week's assignment. I especially liked how you used the details of the story to make the "universal truths" of the chorus stand out. When reading the chorus the second time, I couldn't help but smile and nod when I got to the line:
music sounds quite different,
as you go from place to place
Your decision to use the chorus as "bookends" made this work very well and kept this line from being overused. Smart.
Peace
Hi scratch
Outstanding!
A joy to read, very visual and well told
Brilliant
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
Excellent! Unique story, very well told.
All the best,
Scratch,
Let me give you another push:
It 's great!
Can't wait to hear it! :D
Do you have the MP3 downloaded?
Mike
"Da*n your bolt-brained bearings!" Rod Gallowglass to his faithful, epileptic robot, Fess.
"As you wander through life, wherever you go, keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole." -- Paul Osteen (brother of Joel Osteen)
Um.... Shucks guys. Thanks. Glad it was so well received.
Uke,... I actually played with that line a couple of different ways. I usually give a higher precedence to tense in grammatical rules. (of those that I pay attention to) So to say "you'd think" while grammatically correct, would yank the reader / listener from the past, into the present, then shove them right back into the past again. It's a bit disorienting, and you run the risk of that whole "grandfather paradox" thing that I'm loathe to deal with. So that means I have to try to fit "You would have thought into the meter. I tried:
"Youd've thought" - looked way to weird for me
"You'd have thought" - didn't fit the meter.
or
"You'd thought" - not correct, but it fits, and if I say it anywhere in Thurmont, nobody'd bat an eye. So that's why I kept it. But you are correct in that it's incorrect.
MikeO -- thanks for the push, man. But at the moment, I don't have a mic. If I ever get around to getting one (I know they're cheap) I suppose this will be the first one I'll try to record. But any aesthetic value that may be existent in the music would be more than offset by my voice. And the music would probably have very little to begin with. Since I've only been playing about 3 months.But we'll see.
Thanks again everyone, very encouraging.
-- Scratch
Scratch,
No worries. You've been playing longer than I have. It will probably be a while before I get anything recorded.
Life is what happens when you're making other plans...
:D
Mike
"Da*n your bolt-brained bearings!" Rod Gallowglass to his faithful, epileptic robot, Fess.
"As you wander through life, wherever you go, keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole." -- Paul Osteen (brother of Joel Osteen)
