hi. I've already written many songs that could one way or the other all apply to this asseignement...so I should feel rather comfortable with the topic...on the contrary it took me quite a while to finish this one:) I made an effort so it can at least not be that bad :roll:
you may wonder- I used "X" instead of a number in the title cause I couldn't decide which one to choose and anyway it's more likely to appeal to people for they might see themselves in it(I hope so)
yep, take a look:
"Notes of the past X years"
Dear Jesse,
Am I honestly mistaken when I exclaim
The sun's light has become pale
Isn't it sufficient
To doubt?
I wonder skeptically
Has it ever blinded me
And therefore purified
&bleached the worst stains
I barely recall their receipt
Bear with me, my sweet Jesse
Could you do me a favor, please?
Stick the leaves back to the
Nude branches of the trees
And inflame the stars for me
Occasionally
I abandon the dusty hotel room again
To walk among the living
Pretend I'm still giving
And taking equally
Yet these seldom departures into “modern societyâ€
Leave me stranded
This humanity, even more ghastly
Than I envisioned
How come these changes go unnoticed?
Ah, Jesse
Bear with me,
For I am
Soiled in sound conceived
Now it's deafening
And still increasing
With every falling leaf
[spoken hastily]:
Snow covers history like layers of dust
It is all similar except the sun, that changed,
Horrid actually, my lips tremble, I fuss
What is gone leaves no trace
It is like it was never there
The sun again is all I remember
There was something about time being wasted
It seemed somehow related
To the glow- didn't I once know
Time used to be measured
In watching the light
Of what use is it now?
Misread obvious signs
Retreat from these lines
Sand grains
Drop anyways
sleep well,
bluenightangel
P.S.: here's something else I like a lot but it didn't seem to fit the song anymore when I started to arrange my ideas:
Have I ever mourned for anything else
But my fading words upon the grave
Of all we could have been
If only the sun hadn't been disguised by me
Cause I feared you'd
Forget me easily
Over her beauty
…oh time wasted thoughtlessly
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Bluenightangel
Certainly did the assignment justice with this one.
It took me a couple of read throughs to get right into it, as it's a bit abstract in places, but well worth the trouble. Being abstract by the way is no bad thing.
Would be interesting to hear what's in your head for this one as I got a lonely piano feel from it.
Bear with me, my sweet Jesse
Could you do me a favor, please?
Stick the leaves back to the
Nude branches of the trees
And inflame the stars for me
Love this verse.
I noticed you didn't really go with a chorus - any particular reason?
Spoken part is quite dramatic - may be a good idea to record someone other than the singer speaking this part - maybe Jesse him or herself?
I think you'll make some edits to it over the week the way we all do but otherwise a very good start
Good stuff
Bob 8) (cos it's still sunny here)
You are what you eat, eat well
hey bob:)
well with this song I'm not really sure about anything(then again I'm never really sure about/confident with anything)...I didn't even know whether or not I should add the spoken part and the two little verses/bridges/whatever embracing it - maybe I should have saved them for another song...
the chorus- another simple matter of not knowing, I guess the 'Bear with me...'(the one you mentioned)part would do as a chorus-for example just repeating it before 'Ah, Jesse'
on the other hand I also love 'soiled in sound conceived..' and 'misread obvious signs..' too much to only have them in there once :cry: *confused*
is Jesse male or female?I dunno...I like the idea of adressing a girl named Jesse and this song to be sung by a male(for I usually prefer listening to male voices) yet I would love to sing it- then again no one knows that Jesse was supposed to be female-hey and what if Jesse's only a 'good friend'(maybe back when we were kids?)or something?
your idea with the piano is a rather beautiful one...won't somebody play the piano for me(for I can only play the guitar-and that *psst*-don't tell anyone- badly)? yay let's sing&dance the whole night long! excuse me, I'm a bit strange today;) ~"people are strange when you're a stranger" Doors ~ er...never mind.
Being abstract by the way is no bad thing.-> actually I think it's something to aim for;) I like that in songs
okay, I gotta go and contemplate this song a while...
thanx for your comments
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
