Under the Sun
A drop of red on the horizon
a solitary gleam of grace
the look as she lays her eyes on
her little childs face
Summers fading
the seasons changing
new times are to come
New seasons under the sun
A leaf changes to vibrant
yellow a child heads off to school
His first year being sent
This is always the rule
Summers fading
the seasons are changing
new times to come
New seasons under the sun
New seasons under the sun
The child part is because my nephew was born in the fall, so i based this on how he was born in the fal land will someday soon head off to school in the fall, jsut two basic things that happen in that season we don't usually think of. What do you think?
Hi'a Rue,
Loved the first verse and then got totally side tracked by the line "New seasons under the sun " i started thinking of seasons in the sun by Terry someone and can't for the life of me remember his name...was it "Jacks"
So i would try and re word that line somewhere along the way,
Nice to see you back here again
Go well
Ja'mir :wink:
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
" i started thinking of seasons in the sun by Terry someone and can't for the life of me remember his name...was it "Jacks"
It was.
Oddly enough, I didn't make that connection on the first read. But now I can't sever it. Thanks Jamir. :?
Rue, I like this one, and I think the last line in the chorus works well, but as Jamir said, perhaps it could work better. I can't think of any suggestions off hand, but if I come up with any, I'll le tyou know. I'm just always delighted when your submissions rhyme. 8) Seriuously, I only say that because I know it's not you're favorite thing in the world. But lately, you've been doing terrific with it.
-- Scratch
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Under the Sun
A drop of red on the horizon
a solitary gleam of grace
the look as she lays her eyes on
her little childs face
Summers fading
the seasons changing
new times are to come
like i knew they would? oh how time can run?
A leaf changes to vibrant
yellow a child heads off to school
His first year being sent
This is always the rule
Summers fading
the seasons are changing
new times to come
???????????????????//
???????????????????
which do you like better?
I still like the first one better.
"New seasons under the sun"
At least for me, it doesn't call to mind "Seasons in the sun" in this context.
Of course, that's just my $0.02.
-- Scratch
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
yeah, me too, it flows the best out of what i can think of. . .
Hi'a Rue,
Don't mind me.... the first one flows well, just got side tracked that's all !!!
SORRY :cry:
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
no prob ja'mir. i respect what you have to say, so i thought i'd see if i could think of anything better, and nope, nothin came! lol!
Hi Rue
Great stuff - first verse is superb. I like stuff about the passing of the seasons (hence the assignment) and I think you've done really well withthis.
Great Stuff
bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
