hi:)
this first one is...I dunno I'm not that happy with it, so anything is welcome;) the second song is something I've written some time ago and it's not really a happy ending but rather a song about the happy ending(I mean about the feeling everything's turned out to be alright).you'll see :)
"Green-eyed, black-dressed miss"
She held it with the shadows
Rather miserable and by herself
Than kiss-and-tell her vulnerable heart
Green-eyed, black-dressed miss
She wanders alone
Some kind of misfit
Drawn to the abyss
You can see her from afar
As she lingers in the dark
Asking the stars to keep her company
She often viewed the raindrops
Blur her vision of the world
Unnoticed, unimportant, unscathed
Green-eyed, black-dressed miss
She wanders alone
Feels like a piece of sh*t
Drawn to the abyss
You can see her from afar
As she lingers in the dark
Asking the stars to keep her company
She caught the void in the basement
Wrapped it up in canvas
Others worried, they said
“She paints sickening pictures
In every shade of blackâ€
She reassured it was only art
Absent-minded expression
Vacant gaze out of emeralds
They thought she just didn't care,
Poor jaded outcast
Last November she traded her
Streets for those of London
Something about this change
Brought her some peace at last
Green-eyed, black-dressed miss
Now walks the boulevard
Still can be seen from afar
Some lonesome night in Hyde Park
Lingering about in the dark
Seeking company in the stars
But this dreamily smile of hers
Comes around more and more
--
Sundial's outing
When the sundial overturns
Nightfall is merging
Darkness toddles on radiance
The incense ceased to burn
And it's alright now
I'm pacified in the snow
I'm content to be in the know
Master Moon takes his leave
Ride along the ceiling
I'll be cleaning my eyes from the salt
Lay out the milk for the thief
And it's alright by now
I'm pacified in my cave of snow
And finally I'm in the know
And not afraid to show
The sundial overturned
I rode on the ceiling
As the moon decided
He was leaving
I laid out my wet bed sheets for you
Fondle the water I filled in the ash tray
The spider somersaults and sways
And it's alright by now
I'll be fine, thanks for your concern.
that last one was kinda inspired by silverchair(the diorama songs)...
bye
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
You have a really beautiful turn of phrase.......more poetic than lyrical, sometimes....wish I could come up with something like this!!!!!
:) :) :)
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I do enjoy reading your writing. It seems to me that there are not enough songs that *I* write that are as daring as yours.
The first song is great. I get a very good idea of the message yourt trying to convey - and I'd probably have to hear it sung/performed to appreciate it's full value.
As for the second bit of writing:
Maybe its just me - but I often find myself getting lost when songs start to use too many poetic wordings.
When I listen to a song I like it's ability to pull me in. I can feel myself living there, experiencing the pain, love, warmth, anger - what have you.
If this were a poetry contest, I'd give you flying colors for expression... but as a first-time reader of your second song I seem to get lost in the wording in parts.
Overall, I enjoyed them! Keep writing, keep living and keep that pen (or keyboard, as it were) going.
hello vic & shawn :lol:
thank you for the kind words:)
shawn, what do you mean by "daring"? in which way are these songs daring ...?
I often find myself getting lost when songs start to use too many poetic wordings.
I can understand that, sometimes it's the same with me, but...I don't know...I guess I love to confuse;)
maybe it would help to listen to some of the songs on "diorama", most of them are full of poetry...daniel johns is excellent :D .. hm...I think "luv your life" and "my favourite thing" are the songs which influenced me mainly when I wrote "sundial's outing".
thanx again.
enjoy the sun 8) (at least here in Germany it's pretty warm these days)
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
By Daring I mean...
Using words and expressions that a traditional songwrier might not use. ;)
Duh, we in trouble here Shawn - she has a brain!!!
Well I'm in trouble........
:D
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
those were great poems!
the imagery was pretty simple in the first one, everything but the descriptions of the eyes kinda faded too quickly for me
the second one was really good, one line really made it shine
Fondle the water I filled in the ash tray
that kind of poetry is so creative I don't even care what it means
I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!
