Last night i went to see the fireworks and it was an experience of a lifetime. It wasn't only the greatness of the fireworks but the trip to and back was the true experience of it all.
Fireworks, The Art of War
Intoxicated with the stench of human presence
We rushed into the crowded downtown
Like ants scattered around an insect corpse
We entered English Bay
Fighting for our dear lives
Seats all taken
We, six of us
With all the fuss
Finally squeezed in
The fireworks
Like the art of war
The sparkles of love
Glamorous and splendid
Until it all ended
Intoxicated with the stench of human presence
We rushed trying to get home
Like ants scattered around an insect corpse
We entered the skytrain
Struggling for our dear lives
One after another
We were pushed
People falling over and people being squished
We didn't bother
Again we pushed
To get out and into our homes
Hey X
I like what youve started here, but I think theres another story here. Intentionally or not, what was was going through my mind when I read this was the London Underground, and given your title ".. The art of War" it struck me that the new "art of war" albeit a black art is to target people in the situation this song describes. I think if you expanded this song and touched on that theme, this song would have immense power. If you do consider expanding it please repost it. Good work :D .
pb
wut is it that you want me to expand on? :? i dont mind adding more to what i've got here... basically its just this big hectic event i went to that i enjoyed...being crowded and all but yeah having it about london underground and stuff is kewl
Hi X,
I think your song is fine as it is, its just that the imagary that it invoked when I read it made me think of the Underground. That got me thinking that this song could be the basis of something along those lines if you felt so inclined. I guess it would have to be a different song. I do like these lines though:
Intoxicated with the stench of human presence
We rushed trying to get home
Like ants scattered around an insect corpse
We entered the skytrain
Struggling for our dear lives
they really paint a picture for me.
pb
thnks pbee :wink: ... sometimes when i write the images just come bursting out and sometimes i have to search for them to come... you should try reading "escape" if you like really good imagery stuff... i just read it and i love it soo much...
heylo lostintranslation!
i like ur song but i agree with pbee, it does bring images of the Underground... not that thats a bad thing!!
but yeah, i really like these lines...
The fireworks
Like the art of war
The sparkles of love
Glamorous and splendid
Until it all ended
um... yes...
oh yeah! and thanks 4 recommending my song! made my day!
cya!
mj.
It's pretty good. Pbee is right on in my opinion. But, anyways it is still good.
It's ok if it reminds some of you of the London Underground. I personally didn't have any of that in mind when I wrote this. :oops: But hey, how does the fireworks part fit in with the underground event?? Just Wondering!!!
