WEEK 51. The Sun (letter to lindsay)

aw.......!!

b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l :lol:

first I stumbled about the repeating of snow in the first two lines but forgot it as soon as I read the rest of the song because it really drew me in. if you could the sparkles in my eyes now:)

allow me one stupid question: does 'I'm over you' mean that you're ..er.. like it hurts no more, you see it is pointless, on to something new?

I love the image of the devil making snow angels, though he doesn't but still it's brilliant;)
also adore the p.s. and the 'sunlight back into my bedroom' and...was going to quote some more but I can't let's just say I love every line of every verse of every part of your song :D
the rhyming pattern is interesting(2nd lines and 'over you'- 'I do').

this is excellent, I think:))
you'll hear no criticism on this one from me(I know I hardly ever really criticise but...take it as a compliment though :wink: )

Hi Geoffrey,

It's a good start.

Think of your lyric as a painting. Tell me about the colors. Tell me what you see. Don't tell me the action, show me.

Here is an example of what I'm talking about:

"the first thing i will do is let the sunlight back into my bed room."

How do you do that?

Opening the blinds?
Ripping down the curtains?
Smashing out the blackened glass?
Washing off the cobwebs?

What is the story here?
What is the underlying point of the story?
Who is the hero?

The better defined the story is in your head, the better the lyric will be.

Nick

"now that i'm over you" is suppose to mean.. "now that i'm strong enough." or "now that you've stopped possessing me." i dunno... in reality you don't just suddenly get over someone. i was trying to show the very beginning stage of healing. you're still all fucked up, but it's the first effort you've made to actually help yourself. i imagined a thin dirty sad man tearing down all the black curtains in his black room and shinning the very first light upon the house in years. there is dust everywhere and.. i dunno.. you can just no longer allow yourself to just decay. i could go on forever.. instead// i'll just say thank you bluenightangel. that meant alot to me.

What is the story here?
A man that once never left his house and lived in complete darkness away from any other contact with human beings is finally free of his depression and anger. He is finally walking outside for the first time in years, and feels at peace for the first time since he was a kid. He decides to actually live.... but he still has a fear of failure, seeing his ex and basic self doubt.

What is the underlying point of the story?
umm.. Time heals all wounds? Proaction is better than reaction? There is more to life than whatever is currently wrong with it.

Who is the hero?
the main character who is couragous enough to step outside.

"the first thing i will do is let the sunlight back into my bed room."

How do you do that?

Opening the blinds?
Ripping down the curtains?
Smashing out the blackened glass?
Washing off the cobwebs?

all of it.. thats' up your imagination. the song is suppose to be about the now. it's not a story or a narrative, so how he lets sunlight in his room doesn't really matter and i have to show somehow that he lives in darkness. this is the only line that tells you so i feel weird about changing it and goin into further detail takes away from the emotion. it's a revelation about one's life. a moment in time.. a song about true healing.. about starting from scratch. facing your fears. i'd like to say i'm open to any suggestions, but i captured exactly how i Feel. now the question is should i explain the story to those that can't relate??? or should i leave it blank and let the listener/reader interpret the words in relation to their own feelings, life experiences?? i don't think clarity in lyrics is a must.

i wrote too much. sorry

I think your lyric would be much more interesting and colorful if you could just integrate your first paragraph into the mix.

" imagined a thin dirty sad man tearing down all the black curtains in his black room and shinning the very first light upon the house in years. there is dust everywhere and.. i dunno.. you can just no longer allow yourself to just decay."

That is excellent, gripping stuff. Put that in your lyric.

Sorry to steal the thread, i didn't mean to be rude.

O.k all the advice you are giving Nick. just influenced my to write a poem http://www.nirvana2.com/system/display.php?thread=3619&forum=5&page=1

Musi,

That's pretty darn good.

A little short, but good.

you're welcome:)
i don't think clarity in lyrics is a must. that's exactly the way I see it. guess we have some things in common when it comes to songwriting:)
I'd also tend to leave it open.

I have to say you do know a lot of the behind-the-song stuff, you've got a vivid picture of the man and you know how he landed in this situation and what he feels like, for me this would do. you dont have to involve it in the song.

though I agree with Nick that your first paragraph is cool and would make another good verse... maybe try to make a verse out of it even if you don't want it in this song-might fit well in another one, too...it's up to you:)

excellent song.(had to say it again :D )
bluenightangel

i'm not trying to be difficult, and i truely do apprieciate your time and effort of writting about and reading my stuff.. but if i did put the first paragraph into the song, i would exactly being telling you and not showing you. i guess this is why it's so hard to write good lyrics. but i really don't wanna be a story teller.

maybe i should try and record and post this song. half of a lyric is not what you say but how you say it. but i don't know.

hope i don't sound like a baby, and thanks to everyone except for the asshole that stole my post with his link. (i'm totally just kidding about that by the way! : )