It's been awhile but I'm back :D
Here are parts of a letter that I actual did write to a very old and dear friend with a few extras added (chorus of course)
Hope you like it
No one won
We spent so many years disguising who we are
let's end this masquerade before it goes to far
I know it's not your fault and we must share the blame
we've paid the consequence for playing silly games
We over stepped the bounds
of decent common sense
We paid the price for love
and it came with a high expense
We were wrong for doing
all the things we've done
Now the game is over
No one won
You said it's destiny but I still call it fate
We could argue semantics here but lets get one thing straight
We started on this road together hand in hand
And now we're worlds apart, not knowing where we stand
Don't cry for me...
I will be all right
sometimes these nights get lonely
but it passes with the light
We were wrong for doing
all the things we've done
Now the game is over
No one won
I've done some things to you that I now regret
And you said some things to me that I'm trying to forget
And will we every be the way we were before
I'm not that certain but I'll never close that door
If I said I'm sorry
could we still be friends
I'd hate to see our anger
bring us to an end
We were wrong for doing
all the things we've done
Now the game is over
No one won
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
Hey Tokai,
Not sure how this got buried, but it deserves to be seen and critiqued. You really have done a wonderful job here. There were a couple places where you might tighten up the meter a bit, (I thought) then again, it might work with the melody you have in mind. When I read the line:
"You called it destiny, but I still called it fate"
I thought "aren't they the same thing?" But then in the very next line you said "Let's not argue semantics here..." So I figured I'd let it go. However, you might change "I still called it" to "I still call it" just to make the tenses agree. And that's really the only criticism I can come up with right now, is that there are a few places where you could correct spelling or grammar.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading it. Good work.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
totally agree with Scratch on this one, really nice writing, strange that I picked out the same lines......
You said it's destiny but I still called it fate
We could argue semantics here but lets get one thing straight
I really like that, must be Kismet.....!!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Tokai,
Great song! Major Dittos on what Scratch and Vic already said.That semantics line is really good. The Title line is great it says so much in just three little words
Celt
Tokai,
Great song! Major Dittos on what Scratch and Vic already said.That semantics line is really good. The Title line is great it says so much in just three little words
Celt
Sorry about the double posting. I went away for a moment but I'm back now
Thank you for your comments
scratchmonkey said
is that there are a few places where you could correct spelling or grammar.
I've check my spelling 3 times, what's did I spell wrong????
As for the grammar, there may be something. grammar I must admit is not one of my strong points. So tell me where and I will correct it.
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
