When reading though other people's entries, I noticed that I seem to write shorter verses, with less complicated sentences. I think I'm going to write another song, and try to make that one a bit more like those. But still here my first try on writing a song for this week is:
Are you talkin' to me? (redrider)
Hey you
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me,
Or is that just what I see?
Is it what I wanna see
Is it what I wanna hear
Hey you
Are you talking to me?
There's some whisper in the corridor
And some talking down the hall
People are pointing at me,
Like I am 20 feet tall
Why do they do that,
Is this even real
Or is this just the way I feel?
I see you walking down the street,
Looking good as always
Is it true our eyes meet,
Can life be so sweet?
Where you really looking my way?
Is there something you are gonna say?
Hey you
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me,
Or is that just what I see?
Is it what I wanna see
Is it what I wanna hear
Hey you
Are you talking to me?
I can clearly hear you talking
About this girl you saw
You say you saw her walking
Downtown the other day
Is this meant for my ears,
Is it some silent hint?
Hey you are you talking to me?
Hey you
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me,
Or is that just what I see?
Is it what I wanna see
Is it what I wanna hear
Hey you
Are you talking to me?
Nice work Karla,
I think you've nicely captured the emotions of someone trapped in the high school dating scene. If we're honest, most of us still feel this way sometimes long after high school.
I like the built-in uncertainty. The main characters knowledge of the uncertainty, for me, takes this beyond a lot of of 'like' songs.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Hi Karla
great song keeps u interested all the way threw, I like it when I can relate to the story, :D
1 thing u may want to consider is verse 5 lines 1-4&6
I can clearly hear you talking
About this girl you saw
You say you saw her walking
Downtown the other day
Is this meant for my ears,
Is it some silent hint?
Hey you are you talking to me?
I can clearly hear you talking
you say you saw her walking
down the street the other day
is this meant for my ears,
am I imaganing a silent clue
Hey you are you talking to me?
just thought it flowed a little more but it may be to much rhyming
anyway just a thought . :D great song :D
mystic
thanks for your comments ^^
I think the correction is quite good! I tried to sing the lyrics, and you're right about that verse, it didn't flow good but I was to tired to rewrite it. Your correction sounds good to me :D
Hi Karla,
great song. I love the "Hey you" 's , you could really go to town on those when sang it. Mystic's idea is good although I would prefer something like
is this meant for my ears,
is this some silent clue just play around with it and see what works. Good work keep it up :D .
