traffic jams and torn vocal cords
sex on billboards and everyone lets you know
exactly what's on their minds
i haven't made up mine
fables on tv, pause for laughter
tell you just how to feel the morning after
but my eyes are still open
in the dawn i'm still groping
groups divide up them n me
n everyone knows who i'm trying to be
i'm trying my best to be ignored
i'd rather be lonely than bored
the only advice that i ever been told
love is narcisism n love is cold
or else maybe it's burning hatred
and the desire to see someone naked
or maybe my head's twisted
or i swung and i missed it
or i ain't got the voice now
to tell them my choice now
or i try n i fail
to pick up the trail
so i end where i once was
but i'm still a lost cause
only now i'm just older
with a ghost on my shoulder
whispering in my ear
everything i should fear
but when the dust washes off at the end of the day
and all the confusion has been folded away
n my head hits the pillow n my thoughts hit the sky
i don't care for a moment that it's all just a lie
i've got to polish the rhythm n structure, and make it go somewhere. there's no momentum there. anyway, please let me know what you think, and what you think i should do with this.
i like it but im not really sure how you would put any music to it, its possible but in my mind i cant picture, o well if u come up with chord structure lemme know. btw i loved the narcisism line
i would also maybe break up the monotomy of it by adding in some different verses with moure or less than four lines cuz to my ear it would get boring hereing four four time the entire time if that jsut made sense but once again thats my taste
overall think u did a good job could use some work but i like it
chec out my music
http://www.myspace.com/spencerbeasleymusic
pm if u like it or send me a message on myspace
traffic jams and torn vocal cords
sex on billboards and everyone lets you know
what should be on your mind
til i can barely hear mine
fables on tv and pause for laughter
they'll tell you how to feel when you wake the morning after
well, who knows how i feel, my emotions are all broken
but at the break of the dawn my eyes are still open
the only advice that i ever seen
love is selfish n love is mean
or else maybe it's burning hatred
and the desire to see someone naked
or maybe my heart's twisted
or i heard but i missed it
cause i try and i fail
to pick up on the trail
so i end where i once was
and i'm still a lost cause
and i can't pretend
that i want to try again
but when the dust washes off at the end of the day
and all the confusion has been folded away
n my head hits the pillow n my thoughts hit the sky
i forget for a moment that it's all just a lie
i have a chord progression and structure down... each line is I bIII IV II, the bridge is one line each of IV V.
