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Wk28Y4 - Don't Touch That Dial!

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ShawnRTooley
(@shawnrtooley)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 6
Topic starter  

Don't Touch That Dial - By Shawn R. Tooley
============================================
Verse 1:

Driving home, oncoming headlights bright...
trying hard to stay awake as the evening turns to night.
It's pretty calm, the music's low
And we've only got about forty-five miles to go.

Then something pops, an something clicks.
The radio's suddenly not playing my favorite hits.
Did we lose the juice? is the station dead...
or are my kids just playin' with the dials again?

Chorus:

There is a certain law that's not written - but understood by far,
about whose in charge of the radio when you're driving in the car.

Verse 2

S'gettin' late, can't admit we're lost,
got the directions to the party from my boss.
He said, "Hey... you can bring the wife..."
So perhaps we'll just pull it over and spend the night.

Under the covers, the music starts,
a song 'bout two young lover with broken hearts.
I start to humm, I think she'll swoon -
but instead she reaches up and changes the tune!

Chorus

There is a certain law that's not written - but understood by far,
about whose in charge of the radio when you're makin' whoopie in the car.

Bridge

You're my best friend, you're everything to me...
But the radios' off limits, that's the way it's gotta be.
I don't care if country's better or you like a different style,
I'll pull over, you get out and walk the remaining sixteen miles.

There is a certain law that's not written - but understood by far,
about whose in charge of the radio when you're driving in the car.
Don't underestimate the g-force caused by slamming on the brakes,
as we're doing sixty down I-81 and the dashboard meets your face.

End


   
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SlowPlay
(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey Shawn, welcome back.

Funny stuff. I'm going to be driving others around tomorrow and I'll remember this song when they reach for the radio. I liked the "not playing my favorite hits" line. It just sounded so 'radio'.

My one suggestion, besides writing more, would be to experiment with doing the first of half of the chours after verse 1, then doing both halves of the chorus after verse two. Maybe that's too much set up, I don't know, but the joke won't wear out as fast that way.

Sorry, I couldn't find the song you mentioned. Using the search bar at the top in both this forum and the other song writing forum yielded no results that looked like your song.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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Bennett
(@bennett)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 297
 

Hi Shawn,

Short and sweet ... with a lot of punch. :D

I like SlowPlay's suggestion, else one more verse would be great.

But as it stands I love the lyrics. 8)

From little things big things grow - Paul Kelly


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

I'm glad you got around to finishing this off - the new verse and the bridge compliment what you had before perfectly!

I have one tiny criticism - in this section,

"Under the covers, the music starts,
a song 'bout two young lover with broken hearts.
I start to humm, I thought she'd swoon -
but instead she reaches up and changed the tune!"

you're getting your tenses awfully confused.......you've got the present, then the past, then back to the present then back to the past again! It might read better something like this...

"Under the covers, the music starts,
a song 'bout two young lover with broken hearts.
I start to humm, I'm thinking she'll swoon -
but instead she reaches up and changes the tune!"

As I say, 'tis only a trifling detail - apart from that, I love it!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Nice song you have here

I think the chorus really stands out for me ...

Once again Vic hits the nail on the head with tenses ... ( jokes)

But if you take what Vic has said you will find your songs can take on a whole new meaning

Keep posting

L.K

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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