Y11 W1 It's Sunday in America

Hi Miazare and welcome, congratulations on writing one! Its catchy, reminds me of old folk or blues tunes. I like the slight twist in the last verse. I don't have a dropbox acct so I couldn't listen to the recording. I hope that you continue participating here, I too am still learning songwriting.

Hi Miazare

For a "first song as relatively new self taught guitarist" you've done some great work. It flows nicely and the melody is both enjoyable and memorable.

The only suggestion I'd make is that you should make a definite decision as to what tone, exactly, you want to set. You may not realize it, but you've got two separate voices going on here - one is earnest and one is tongue-in-cheek. And each verse is one or the other without rhyme or reason (pardon the pun). You could easily have two distinct songs here by grouping the verses with one voice or the other. The "serious" song would have these verses:
It's Daybreak in America, a new day has begun
It's Daybreak in America a chance for you my son
It's time for you to spread your wings and fly into the sun
It's Daybreak in America, a new day has begun

A Storm is coming to America, clouds are rolling in
A Storm is coming to America, patience is wearing thin
Thunder's exploding all through the land , the sky's filled with lightning
A Storm is coming to America, clouds are rolling in

A War is coming to America, a battle is being fought
A War is coming to America to rearrange your thoughts
The enemies dangerous and hard to see, you better hope that he is caught
A War is coming to America, a battle is being fought

And the more "tongue-in-cheek" version would have these verses:
It's Sunday in America, time to go and pray
It's Sunday in America, it's what we do this day
It don't matter what you think or say, we only care how much you pay
It's Sunday in America, time to go and pray

Night time in America, the sun is going down
Night time in America, jobs have left this town
The rich get richer and the poor stay poor, the wheels go round and round
Night time in America, the sun is going down

The Promise of America is the American Dream
The promise of America is not always what it seems
Everyone wants a bigger piece of the pie but nobody knows what that means
The Promise of America is the American Dream

Sunday in America, time to go and pray
Sunday in America, god is on his way
He's coming down to save your soul unless of course your gay
Sunday in America, time to go and pray
time to go and pray

Personally, I think the second version, especially cutting out the other verses, makes the song a lot stronger. But that might just be me.

Welcome to the SSG, Miazare and I hope we have the honor of hearing a lot more from you!

Peace

Note to Andy - you should be able to just download the song directly with a right click and "save target as" - perhaps not. I don't have dropbox and I got it. Of course, I could just email it to you directly, too!

Peace

Dave,
Thanks, with my mac, downloading (using the download button) directly worked.
Miazare,
I enjoyed the listen.

Hi Miazare,

Good start :D Nice job on the playing and singing and keeping a focused "hook".

I agree with David regarding more than one song present here....and it's not a bad thing to have options, but it is important to choose one story to tell rather than multiple.

Thanks for sharing......the first post is always the toughest, so now that's out of the way the rest will be a lot easier :wink:

James