it's sunday somewhere on some planet past the moon
so if god's listening, i could use your help soon
because i can't handle what's coming next
i got a bottle of wine and whiskey because i'm perplexed
and enough weed to think to remember to drink to forget
about a hooker, a psychic, and a 40 dollar bet
and 7 to life if it all comes out wrong
so if god's listening, please listen to this song
bring the births, keep us safe
keep us free and healthy for their sake
cuz tomorrow's always here too fast
and nothing ever lasts
let alone us
if satan's listening, i could use your help, too
even though i know i don't have a soul left to sell you
i'll probably end up at your door when i'm dead
but i hear you play the blues so it can't all be bad
so in exchange for the notes that i'll play you
and all the hellfire and hopelessness and whips to flay you
i guess i have to ask
if you're up to the task
bring us through, keep us safe
keep us happy and wealthy for their sake
cuz tomorrow's always here too fast
and nothing ever lasts
let alone us
Hi Jason,
Seems there's reoccurring story going on in your lyrics.
I like these lines:
and enough weed to think to remember to drink to forget
about a hooker, a psychic, and a 40 dollar bet
and 7 to life if it all comes out wrong
so if god's listening, please listen to this song
even though i know i don't have a soul left to sell you
i'll probably end up at your door when i'm dead
but i hear you play the blues so it can't all be bad
------
These lines seem to take away the focus or don't add much new information:
bring the births, keep us safe
keep us free and healthy for their sake
i guess i have to ask
if you're up to the task
bring us through, keep us safe.........Who is "us"?
keep us happy and wealthy for their sake.......The singer sounds far from happy......who is "their"?
Thanks for sharing. :D
James
I noticed that you had edited the original. Thanks for that. My first read of your original left me cold and closed my mind to critical thinking.
I'll look forward to your future work here.
you should check out bill hicks sometime if you haven't before. he's one of the great comedians.
Looks like a good start. Some interesting lines in the first verse. I'm left confused by the second verse.
You seem to be talking to Satan, but these lines don't work. Have you have switched to Satan talking?
"so in exchange for the notes that i'll play you
and all the hellfire and hopelessness and whips to flay you"
Other than the whole thing being about despair, I have no idea what the story is. Maybe that's just me.
Renee
Hi Jason
I can't help but echo some of the comments here. The first half of the first verse is riveting but when you get to this part:
bring the births, keep us safe
keep us free and healthy for their sake
cuz tomorrow's always here too fast
and nothing ever lasts
let alone us
which I'm assuming is a chorus of sorts since it's sort of repeated at the end of the second verse, the listener loses the narrative. There's a lot of random pleas and one can guess that it's about a nuclear family - "us" being the parents who are (likely) splitting and "their" being the kids - but the overall affect is that the listener isn't as actively involved with the narrator as at the beginning of the song. Maybe there's a way to hold the intensity all the way through.
There's a lot of great lines and strong emotions here. Looking forward to seeing (and hearing) how it turns out.
Peace
