I have 4 or 5 recent SSG-themed songs in progress plus 2 others outside of SSG. I finally got this one far enough along to post and now I'm having trouble getting the recording to upload to Soundclick. Hoping that will work tomorrow. Meanwhile, here's the latest draft of the lyrics. No chorus on this one, just musical interludes.
It was inspired by a story I read about Harry Connick Jr.'s reaction on an episode of "American Idol." I don't watch the show, so what I know is only from the news.
verse:
She talks to millions when she sings to the world.
She wants to be America's idol girl.
She talks to millions with little to say.
Every song she sings sounds the same.
verse:
She talks to millions when she sings to the world.
She looks sincere, her feelings autotuned.
Every good note deserves a trill.
The music lost in the frills.
verse:
She belts it out, never gets a note wrong,
Doesn't know the story behind the song.
Doesn't know anything about the songwriter.
Never reveals what's inside her.
verse:
She's no Sarah Vaughan or Etta James
The next generation won't know her name.
Why she's an idol, I don't know.
She'd be no one without the show.
Renee
Hi Renee,
Good start :D The idea comes across clear but the mood/tone seems judgmental; which is said to be a POV voice to avoid, unless that's something you are specifically going for.
Maybe approaching the topic with open-ended questions might help seem less critical but still deliver the message like the following examples
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0qAnGxB2nE
Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?
using questions but different topic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvC9sbK725M
Thanks for sharing.
James
James, the story that inspired the song was about a judgmental moment. But I see what you're saying. Unless I'm going to specifically make the song about the Harry Connick Jr. incident, I should probably make it more about the person's emotions than what people think of her.
There was another news story recently about a viola player pelting Simon Crowell with eggs on "Britain's Got Talent" because of what he has done to music. Maybe I can work that in too.
My problem with uploading songs to Soundclick still isn't resolved. It seems to have something to do with the last update to Adobe Flash Player, which was huge and may not have installed properly. No time to work on it now.
Renee
My problem with uploading songs to Soundclick still isn't resolved. It seems to have something to do with the last update to Adobe Flash Player, which was huge and may not have installed properly.
I had something like that happen and now I always have to use the "simple upload". Maybe it will work for you, too.
I haven't tried to record or upload much lately. A lot of people use "Soundcloud" rather than Soundclick.
Your lyric is interesting. It seems to be more about the person that is telling the story than about the subject.
I think the reason it comes across as cold is that the narrator does not offer a chance at redemption. What changes would the singer have the subject make? What potential does the subject have?
Thanks for the feedback. Although it strays somewhat from the assignment, this will be better from a first person perspective. Today I got a good start on the changes. I'm heading out of town, so won't get the new version finished and recorded for a while.
As for the Soundlick upload problem, that will have to wait too. Thanks for the tip.
Renee
Finally got back to this song and took the advice that it was too judgmental. Too make it less so, I changed it to the first person POV. Now it's about a singer who knows that she has to play the game to get anywhere in music. I used the simple upload on Soundclick and it worked fine.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12383465
I talk to millions. I sing to the world.
I'm gonna be America's idol girl.
I even talk when I have nothing to say.
I'm just a piece in the game.
I talk to millions. I sing to the world.
I look sincere, my feelings autotuned.
Every good note deserves a trill.
The music lost in the frills.
I can belt it out, never get a note wrong,
I know the story behind the song.
But no one cares about who wrote it.
Only wanna know if it will be the next hit.
I could've been Sarah Vaughan or Etta James
The next generation won't know my name.
Am I an idol? I don't know.
Who would I be without the show?
Renee
Hi Renee,
I like this POV better. I like the line about feeling auto-tuned. :D
Suggestions:
Consider adding more symmetry to the structure. For example v1 and 2 have the same opening line, but the pattern is dropped. If you only want the line 2 times, use them as book ends ie first and last verse.
Consider keeping one attitude.
Right now the beginning is hopeful.....the middle is admitting hypocrisy..... the ending is doubt......
Consider clarifying the time frame......is she hoping to be an AI(American Idol)?......is she NOW an AI contestant? .....or was she an AI winner now on tour?.........The differences are subtle but making it clear will bring clarity to the one emotion POV and overall message.
Consider adding a chorus.
Thanks for sharing.
-James
