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Y12W18 Deadlines

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wilcoman
(@wilcoman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 23
Topic starter  

Deadlines

V:

He needed to get it done
The shadows covered the floor
She was lying in the sun
When the police opened the door

C:

He met his deadline again
Another person gone
He didn’t think it was a sin
To deliver those swan songs

V:

He tried to live the straight life
Working a factory job
He saw the newspaper headlines
About new killings from the mob

V:

They found him leaving his home
Made him an offer he couldn’t refuse
Told himself it was his last one
He had enough money to move

C:

The police finally found him
He was just staring at his hands
He new he was going to swim
In the river styx with his friends

C:
They met their deadline again
Another person gone
They didn’t think it was a sin
To deliver those swan songs


   
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jamestoffee
(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi wilcoman,

Good start :D

I like the way the "job" is revealed through the verses.

Suggestion:

Consider revising V1. It's a bit confusing on the location; particularly line 1 doesn't seem to hold its weight in the song and line 3 seems outside (contrary to lines 2 and 4)

What do you hear musically for this?

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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wilcoman
(@wilcoman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 23
Topic starter  

I was thinking of this one to be more of an up-tempo rocker, but not set on that. While my other ones posted so far, would be more mellow (possibly fingerpicked) acoustic tunes.

I have to get around to recording some. I don't really have mics or anything, but might buy one. Any suggestions on some basic recording stuff to get to record mainly voice, electric guitar, and acoustic guitar and sometimes bass and keys? I have a mac, so I will use garage band and a budget of about 300 dollars but not much space. Thanks...


   
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jamestoffee
(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Any suggestions on some basic recording stuff to get to record mainly voice, electric guitar, and acoustic guitar and sometimes bass and keys? I have a mac, so I will use garage band and a budget of about 300 dollars but not much space. Thanks...

I don't have any specific suggestions, but check out the forum here
http://forums.guitarnoise.com/viewforum.php?f=26
about equipment and maybe look around for a garage band forum and see what suggestions you get.


   
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wilcoman
(@wilcoman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 9 years ago
Posts: 23
Topic starter  

Will do, thanks. Still thinking about that first verse...


   
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