I haven't written a complete song for over 3 months, although I have started several. I lost my best childhood friend in December, followed by the totally unrelated deaths of 3 more friends over the next month. The youngest was only in his mid 50s. Now my Mom is in hospice care. So what's on my mind? Death, of course. And that's what i wrote about here.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=832466
verse:
I'd like to say I'll be around for a while.
I would have reached ninety next year.
I used to say I'd go out young and in style,
But those wishes were never sincere,
chorus:
So many things left incomplete.
What I didn't do means more than I did.
I lie here pretending to be asleep,
Thinking about the life I never lived.
verse:
Death's usually painful and always sad,
But it's one thing in life that's fair.
Whatever we did, whatever we had,
All roads take us there.
instrumental
chorus
verse:
I've had two years of a tedious routine,
My choices not understood.
Now they're treating me like a queen.
I eat sausage and the drugs are good.
chorus
Renee
Hi Renee,
First, my condolences for your losses.
Regarding the song, I like the music. A few of the lines sound rushed/forced but it might be a matter of still learning the song.
Lyrically, I think you have a story/movie that you see clearly but it isn't the same for the listener.
You have a couple concrete details in the last verse. Consider setting up your concrete details at the beginning of the song and/or beginning of the verses.
Also recheck for the basic 5 Ws + how are/aren't answered....because for now I don't see the connection between the VS, CH and Title
I'd like to hear what the singer regretted not doing, why she didn't, what's the point of talking about what wasn't? ....regret?.....relief?......acceptance?
It seems quite a mix of emotions....
V1 seems hopeful but what's the purpose for the hope?
V2 seems resolute and pragmatic
V3 seems bored, frustrated, and happy? or at least medicated.
...Consider focusing on one emotional aspect in relation to the life she never lived
...regardless of what you decide to rework or not, kudos for getting the song written and recorded. :mrgreen:
Thanks for sharing.
James
