hey.. here goes..
All bodies lie
All bodies lie in a nutshell
Closing their eyes to the waves
Swirling them ‘round like antique carousels
Until sick in the stomach and wet-faced
They awake
All bodies lie down at sunrise
For close to the ground you escape eyes
But the city stands so tall
Marching forth so boldly
That when you're this small
It's a little harder to breathe
All bodies lie about days past
When dandelion wishes were blown up
And ill winds carried them away
Now everyone's trying to forget
Where his heart went yesterday
But it's a struggle to stay calm
With chests quiet like graves
All bodies lie, it's the cause of life
Only outlaws know extremes
But are they happier for it?
It's the Huxley question
Well, one answered me
“At least I feel my chest heaveâ€
not sure about this.. had another verse, too.. but didn't work out..
any comments?
have a nice weekend.
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Straycat
Interesting twist on the assignment.
Not sure on whether there's a chorus in here soI'm just going to treat everything as a verse.
First verse works quite well. Second verse is also good but an extra line longer so it'll be interesting to hear how you can make that work. If you listen to Colin Hay's Beautiful World he makes uneven verse lengths work very well. Third verse - don't know who he is in this verse as it's the first time we meet anyone specifically in the song. Why would we care about where his heart went? I think you could drop the personal reference and not lose anything. Fourth verse - not sure if you mean course of life here as cause of ife seems way too abstract.
Good start and certainly interesting.
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
hey Bob:-)
well, the "he" is sort of a non-native speaker confusion thing;-) i didn't know which pronoun to use.. for instance if it's okay to say "everyone's trying to forget where their hearts went yesterday" ..? cause it seems like "everyone" is kind of a singular word even if it referring to more than one person.. so it felt awkard to me to use a plural pronoun... so what's your suggestion? how do you people do that?
oh, and of course it should be "course of life" not "cause.."
thank you very much for your comment.
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
