hey. this week the topic seems to be almost omnipresent :D began reading The Tempest, stumbled with freezing feet and a sore throat through cold spells and, today, there is beautiful Emma :wink:
my paper kite.
I've been staggering through a forest
Barely seeing those trees
I had my own carousel
To beat their heart-shaken nausea
I've been staggering through a forest
Barely seeing those trees
And upon leaving it
The milk sky collapsed in front of me
With barren eyes on whitened maps
And a cold spell on my windward side
I calculated each step
Once I heard people close by
Dissecting Shakespeare
I compassed on in silence
For I hadn't touched a page
With a paper kite folded in my hands
And a cold spell on my windward side
I tilted and swayed
Then, when the cotton ceiling tore at its seams
I shielded my eyes from the newborn sky
And released my paper kite
Whereas I stood still, in quiet marvel,
The clouds advanced into absurdity
And with my eyes futile again
I fastened my grip upon the string
This paper kite might be yards above me
This paper kite might be yards above me now
Or else ten feet behind me, afloat on an opaque creek.
I first had "miles" instead of "yards" and it sounded much better, but the string of a paper kite would probably not be that long, right :wink:
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
As always, I love the amount of imagery you manage to cram into a song! I'm not always sure I want to grasp the whole meaning - 99% of the time songs are more about the feeling than the actual literal meaning, so usually a vague understanding is enough.
"And with my eyes futile again" - I'm not sure "futile" is the word you want here - it just doesn't seem right to me, I think "useless" would do just as well.
As for yards or miles - yeah, miles does sound better, and sometimes that's ALL that's important - but because you've already said earlier in the song, "I RELEASED my paper kite", maybe you could change the last line of the preceding verse to "I LOOSENED my grip upon the string" then "miles" would fit perfectly?
Lovely descriptive writing, anyway!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Love it!
Really like the second verse; the last line especially.
Has to have the first verse to make it work properly....
Great start!
I'm going to say.... Away with any 'conventional' measurements for the length of string.
Something along the lines of - This paper kite might be heavens above me now
Or else, the devil behind me, afloat on an opaque creek :twisted:
Just because your work usually transends the conventional.... no need to limit your thinking there.
"Let your indulgence set me free" :wink:
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
i don't see why you're worried about how long the kite string is. the rest of the lyrics aren't literal.
"Miles" works for me.
"Da*n your bolt-brained bearings!" Rod Gallowglass to his faithful, epileptic robot, Fess.
"As you wander through life, wherever you go, keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole." -- Paul Osteen (brother of Joel Osteen)
pretty much agreed with the above, great images!!
I'm likin' Vic's suggestion of adding 'loosened my grip on the string' so the 'miles' fits, and there's definitely enough room for a poet to maneouvre (sp?) in this song, so 'miles' would, IMHO, work regardless. an alternative, would be to say 'or else ten feet behind me, its line dragging in an opaque creek,' or something like that. I'm sure there's a technical term for the lines or ropes on boats/ships/etc, and I'm sure someone else can provide it.
having read a few of your SSG tunes now, I'm getting a real Rimbaud/Jim Carroll vibe from your writing - dreamlike imagery, perhaps with the images just ticking off possibilities rather than imposing a strict view or interpretation, and tere are some common themes used too (e.g. feeling sensitive to the environment one is in, references to water, etc.).
hey everyone :)
i'm glad you are supportive of "miles" :D and yes, i've been thinking about re-writing the grip line so that the kite is let go of, too. but then i really liked the idea of someone holding on to the string of a paper kite without knowing whether or not there is any point in doing so. however, i think i'm going with the loosening :wink:
as for "futile", i did have "useless" before :wink: liked the sound of futile, but it seemed a little awkward. guess i'm returning to "useless" here. thanks for making me reconsider, vic :)
skrybe, it's funny that you think of these writers, for i have never read anything by them (except for the boat poem you told me about). at least i can sincerely say i'm not copying them :D i'll check out jim carroll. thanks for the reading tips :D
thank you everyone for your comments, really appreciated!
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
