Y8 W36 - Broken Small Screen Blues

Nice work Dylan. In my head it actually sound more like an old country song. Something like Hank Williams' Jambalaya. Thanks for posting man!

DYLAN! Soooo good to see you back, old friend!

Song works for me - I really like Blind Kiwi's suggestion for the music, too, even though I was thinking along a different path....

Tiny quibble - "all my images in you" - got to change that to "all my images OF you..." and that's about all I can find fault with. Play it, sing it...you might find you need to rephrase a line or two, though they all scan well to me. Get it recorded! - and.......as a wise man once said...

Rock On!

8) 8) 8)

Vic

Hey Peter, yes, I think twelve bar will be easier than eight...

I started playing it and immediately reverted to 12 bar anyway :roll:

Hi Vic. Thanks for the welcome....feels like I've never been away... :wink:

I can see where you are with the change about the images, but I'm kinda thinking that the images were inside the phone, hence all my images in you - it's a play on words - images 'of' you.... huh, ok, well....

Yup, will need rephrasing and more work with the 12 bar - not bad for an hours work though, even if I say it myself... :cry: :D

Rock on!
D 8)

I can see where you are with the change about the images, but I'm kinda thinking that the images were inside the phone, hence all my images in you - it's a play on words - images 'of' you.... huh, ok, well....

Yep, you right, me wrong.....it just LOOKED funny, but now you've pointed it out, it's obvious. Leave it as it is.

:D :D :D

Vic

Very clever, though I had to read it twice to catch that it was a cell phone. Maybe a reference to the keyboard/buttons in the second verse? I'm being picky (or just slow). I definitely felt the pain of not knowing any phone numbers, as they're in the cell phone! I've had that happen.

I've lost my love
The love of my life
She's gone for good
Just left with a wife

I'm not sure I get the "wife" reference. If you're looking for a rhyme, the perhaps knife or strife would work better.

Thanks Laz...

Well, there's a lot going on in this song which maybe isn't so obvious (and maybe should be made more obvious) :?

The guy has busted his cell and is completely lost because he uses it for everything. The other problem is he's having a love affair, not only with his mobile phone, but with another woman and all her details, intimate and otherwise are on that sim card but there's other things that are in the phones memory and he won't get them back. Hence, loses both his loves in one clumsy slip and is left with nothing but his wife (which I thought might help the listener understand that he's not happy with his lot and there's 'something' going on.

He really loved his old cell, but he's going to have to get one of these new fangled devices which just doesn't have the same feeling of his first phone, but needs one to retrieve the info on his card to contact his second love...

Phew, what a complicated life he leads!

Maybe it needs a few more words here and there - well, changing from 8 to 12 bar does allow....

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. :wink:

Rock on!
D 8)

Hi Dylan,

Nice to see you posting again. :D Good start on this one. I kind of picked up a hint of the affair at the beginning of the song but rest of the song didn't support the idea....it supported the idea of the love/lust of technology. :P

Suggestion:
Can't calculate
This loss of mine
Can't call the office
Can't tell the time
Don't know the number
Of my favourite bar
Can't hear the sound
Of my old guitar

This list as is supports many uses/loves for the phone.

If you wanted to keep the affair idea going/stronger, maybe this section could be the list detailing affair attributes:

can't remember the lies to the wife, his reservation for a secret get-away etc.....or maybe he slips up....

He says to his wife,"I have to cover for Bob on the out of town convention. His mom died"
She says, "Funny... that's the second time Bob's mom has died this year" :lol:

Thanks for sharing. :D

James

another title could be iBlues :P

Hi James

Yeh, nice to be back...if only for a brief visit... :(

Yeh, I need to mix it up a bit I think. One for a winters' evening I fear....

Good to see you're all still 'at' it....

Rock on!
D 8)

cool :D

and, as i'm a sucker for songs with ohs and ahs, i must say i adore the "ohhh me, oooooh my" bits, will sure be fun singing! (for some reason i'm hearing your with a "my my hey hey (out of the blue)" sound now :D )
(took me a while to get the phone bit.. thought it was a computer or tv set at first :oops: )

cheers,
straycat.