Y8W15 Split

This is pretty funny and ingenious the way you've written down what I assume is a biblical parable and converted it into a light jazzy number. The mp3 sounds great.

My only gripe is that the chorus doesn't quite gel with the verses. The verses are very specific and have a defined setting and characters; the chorus is all about generalisation and vagueness. This is quite apparent on paper and to a lesser extent in the recording.

Also I found that the chorus uses some bland phrases ("when the choices are hard", "when push comes to shove") which don't contribute any meaning or sentiment. If you could cut these out and find a way to build a bridge from the specific to the general, I think it would work better.

My only gripe is that the chorus doesn't quite gel with the verses. The verses are very specific and have a defined setting and characters; the chorus is all about generalisation and vagueness. This is quite apparent on paper and to a lesser extent in the recording.

Also I found that the chorus uses some bland phrases ("when the choices are hard", "when push comes to shove") which don't contribute any meaning or sentiment. If you could cut these out and find a way to build a bridge from the specific to the general, I think it would work better.
Hi Martin,

Thanks for the feedback. :D Yes, the lines you mentioned are quite forgettable :oops:

I have a few ideas for redrafts:

#1 cut the lines you mentioned
Chorus
In a split decision
You see who people really are; really are
Everything can change
In a split decision

#2 change the lines you mentioned to:
When a split decision cuts through the heart
Ready or not
You see who people really are; really are
Everything can change
In a split decision

#3 Christian, help me out here :mrgreen: pppllleeeaasssee

...no idea no bridge building yet :cry: but open to suggestions :wink:

Feedback?

BTW
what I assume is a biblical parable
Youtube Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpDjR2Jtao0
Biblical Version:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Kings+3%3A16-28&version=NIV
1 Kings 3:16-28 (New International Version)

A Wise Ruling
16 Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17 One of them said, "My lord, this woman and I live in the same house. I had a baby while she was there with me. 18 The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.

19 "During the night this woman's son died because she lay on him. 20 So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. 21 The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn't the son I had borne."

22 The other woman said, "No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours."
But the first one insisted, "No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine." And so they argued before the king.

23 The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' "

24 Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. 25 He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other."

26 The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!"
But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!"

27 Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother."

28 When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.

Wow, that takes me back - must have been about 45 years or so ago when I heard about King Solomon's wisdom, at junior school (probably the equivalent of kindergarten) - hey, I was brought up RC and we were indoctrinaetd at an early age, y'know?

James - great take on the assignment, very original ideas.....love the way you always look for a different slant, a different angle. Can't actually listen now - we're all sat round the TV - but I promise, I'll have a listen in the morning!

:D :D :D

Vic