Y9W13 Luck, Yeah Right

I'll withhold comment till I hear it. With most lyrics, I can envision a melody. Often, my imagined tune is an incorrect melody but a melody none-the-less. I don't have any notion what tune or rhythm would work with these lyrics.
I do see by your sig that you are a guitar instructor/mentor so I imagine you have some musical wizardry in mind.

Hi Sean

And welcome to the SSG. Nice take on this week's assignment. Lots of good material here.

There are also some potential snags. The first three lines of the second part (I read it as a chorus since it contained the word "luck" from the title, but it may be a bridge) start out really strong:

Is it luck or is it dreams
Pushing forward
Till I want to scream
I pay the price in hours
Does luck just come
Or is it what I must own?

But the last two lines don't stand up to the strength of the first three. Worse, the last line sounds like it would be pretty hard to sing and annunciate clearly. It's pretty hard to even read aloud and is the sort of phrase that looks great as a written line but you'd be hard pressed to ever hear someone say it in conversation.

I don't have any suggestions to make it better (at least at the moment), but I'll toss some ideas around and try to get back to it.

Welcome again to the SSG. I hope that we'll be getting to read (and hopefully hear) more from you.

Peace

Hi Sean,

Welcome to SSG :D Nice start on the assignment.

The sentiment seems to remind me a bit of a quote from Thomas Jefferson
“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have”
http://thinkexist.com/quotation/i_find_that_the_harder_i_work-the_more_luck_i/176331.html

Suggestions:

There's two places for that door to go- this might need clarification; I would understand 2 doors to chose from, but how does a door have 2 places to go?
I'm going to knock until it opens
Or comes off these hinges - nice detail
And splinters in the cold- I like your verb here
Cause its hard work that makes for bridges -consider sticking with one scene or make the images cohesive....what do bridges and doors have in common; except they are both made of wood?

Is it luck or is it dreams
Pushing forward
Till I want to scream
I pay the price in hours
Does luck just come
Or is it what I must own?.....nice bit of self-reflection

Don't replay the days
When the curtain opened to the rain
And I saw layer upon layer of grey
I only know how to keep my head down
And charge ahead
These are my dues
I'm wearing those shoes......here again I'm finding it hard to connect the images as one lyric: door, bridge, curtain, rain, shoes

Also, consider getting the title in the song as the hook or renaming the title so it is in the song as titles and hooks tend to go hand and hand in making a song memorable.

Thanks for sharing. BTW What music are you hearing to the lyrics?

James

My suggestion for the 1st verse . . .

There's two places for that door to go
I'm going to knock until it opens
Or time corrodes these hinges
I'll carry on endlessly
Cause its hard work that makes for bridges

Hi Sean,

Welcome to SSG :D Nice start on the assignment.

The sentiment seems to remind me a bit of a quote from Thomas Jefferson
“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have”
http://thinkexist.com/quotation/i_find_that_the_harder_i_work-the_more_luck_i/176331.html

Suggestions:

There's two places for that door to go- this might need clarification; I would understand 2 doors to chose from, but how does a door have 2 places to go?
I'm going to knock until it opens
Or comes off these hinges - nice detail
And splinters in the cold- I like your verb here
Cause its hard work that makes for bridges -consider sticking with one scene or make the images cohesive....what do bridges and doors have in common; except they are both made of wood?

Is it luck or is it dreams
Pushing forward
Till I want to scream
I pay the price in hours
Does luck just come
Or is it what I must own?.....nice bit of self-reflection

Don't replay the days
When the curtain opened to the rain
And I saw layer upon layer of grey
I only know how to keep my head down
And charge ahead
These are my dues
I'm wearing those shoes......here again I'm finding it hard to connect the images as one lyric: door, bridge, curtain, rain, shoes

Also, consider getting the title in the song as the hook or renaming the title so it is in the song as titles and hooks tend to go hand and hand in making a song memorable.

Thanks for sharing. BTW What music are you hearing to the lyrics?

James

Thanks guys, I appreciate the comments.

The piece is written, as an on the spot, in the moment draft. It may or may not end up as a song.

Verse 1 is about quitting or not quitting. The door is our goals, basically that's my statement of stubborn will, that I'm not going to stop. I'm going to knock and try until it opens and gives me what I want or falls off because of my pounding. Its a bit of stubborn determination.

Stopping doesn't get you where you want to be, only hard work gets you progress.

Part 2 continues that renouncement of the passivity of luck, and restates that its my determination to reach that dream that wins over circumstance.

Verse 3 is about not dwelling on the past or that nothing has worked so far, let it go, put my head down like a bull and charge that door, so it doesn't forget that I'm still there, and not giving up. I'm going to pay whatever it takes, and when success comes it won't be because of luck, but because I'll outlast that door until things change.

When I wrote these, it was in a free form way without thought of the song, just in a stream of consciousness. I suppose were I to write further, Id change certain areas and lines to fit the song. For the moment this is what I have.

Thank you for your thoughts. I used this as an exercise, but generally unless I have a powerful sense of "something" about the song, I leave it in place until something inspires me, or I can hear it go to the next stage. In my songwriting this can take days weeks, or even never happen. I find that I like every song I write when I do it that way, and hate every song that I write (and they feel forced and contrived) when I don't. So it seems to me writing from inspiration and not the intent of writing is the way it works best for me.

Currently I have 40 songs done that are about 85 percent realized in my head, and 15% remaining. My first album was started 2 years ago...and still in progress. There are 11 tracks. Only one is fully finished. Maybe this year!

Thanks guys!

If the door were to open by chance, perhaps due to the action of a butterfly in Brazil, would you still attribute the opening to your efforts? What are the differences among luck, chance, confluence and coincidence.

Good description of your verses and your song writing style. I have a file with several partially completed lyrics. Occasionally I'll dip into those files and find a phrase that seems to fit within the context of a current project.

If the door were to open by chance, perhaps due to the action of a butterfly in Brazil, would you still attribute the opening to your efforts? What are the differences among luck, chance, confluence and coincidence.

Good description of your verses and your song writing style. I have a file with several partially completed lyrics. Occasionally I'll dip into those files and find a phrase that seems to fit within the context of a current project.

I don't know how to answer that. Sometimes the act of being around when the door opens, is from choosing not to give up. Its a mindset that some time over the next 100 years somethings gotta give, unless the universe is dead set upon a lifelong headlock upon me, in which case I'm going to fight it with all Ive got, but I wont go down easily.

These words sort of describe me and my attitude about the challenges I face in my life and the obstacles (of which there are so many) that are in front of me, and my refusal to quit, just because they are there, and nothing seems to be willing to move at the moment. Its the kind of thing when you virtually exhaust every resource you have, and see little change, and you just say...I dont care, Im not stopping. The doors gonna fall off its hinges or I'm going to die trying. Assuming I have a while left on this earth (nothings guaranteed) that doors gonna see a lot of activity...till it falls or I do.

Sean