Hey, this was an interesting one. Kinda generic and pop-y but oh well :P
Been waiting all night to kiss you
Been standing at your door
With the porch blacked out
With a hint of a doubt
Still lingering in my troubled mind
Been listening to your voice
Through the window
Been picking out the words
Of the conversation, in contemplation
Wondering if I should go
Cause I don't see why every time
We live the same old story
And then rewind
It's been 7 days
And I'm thinking of change this time
I don't see why every time
You take my heart inside
And leave me behind
It's been 7 days
And I'm thinking of change this time
Been picturing you beside me
Been thinking of that day
At your place, with that grin on your face
And no-one else for company
You're not my lucky number anymore
You're not my lucky number anymore
Cause I don't see why every time
We live the same old story
And then rewind
It's been 7 days
And I'm thinking of change this time
I don't see why every time
You take my heart inside
And leave me behind
It's been 7 days
And I'm thinking of change this time
Hi Jay,
Good start...Clear idea.....I like the setup in the first 2 verses into the chorus. :D
Suggestions:
I don't see why every time
You take my heart inside
And leave me OUTSIDE.....or And leave the rest outside
Been picturing you beside me
Been thinking of US ALL day
At your place, with that grin on your face
And no-one else for company
This comes across as negative and I'm not sure how it fits; especially if the singer is making a plead to deepen the friendship to something more.
You're not my lucky number anymore
You're not my lucky number anymore
Thanks for sharing.
James
Hi Jay
I like the flow of this. Only suggestion I'd have would be in the last reprise of the chorus:
I don't see why every time
You take my heart inside
And leave me behind
It's been 7 days
And I'm thinking of change this time
You've done a good job establishing a rhyme scheme for this section and I think it might help to stick with it. So maybe something like:
I don't see why every time
You kiss me and you say goodnight
And take my heart inside
It's been 7 days
And I'm thinking of change this time
Just a thought. By the bye, doing pop music well is a lot tougher (and a lot less generic) than people think. It will be interesting to hear how this develops. Lookiing forward to more.
Peace
