Year 3 Wk48 Untitled

Whoa, where is the "Green with envy" Emoticon?? That was terrific. I need something to hit me out of the blue.
You've found another man to take the place of me

Not saying its better or worse but I read through this three times and every time my mind wanted to read this as:
You've found another man to take my place

You could give it one of those obscure titles that musicians do to make it a bit more mysterious. Like:
The Road

or give it the name of a woman and then forever more when its played across the country everyone will want to know why "Diane" or whoever... tore your heart this badly. :lol:

Very nice song!!

Geoo

I agree with Geoo about the line
You've found another man to take the place of me

The line he suggested sounds more like something you'd say if you were speaking to someone, and it fits the rhyme scheme (Santa Fe, make my pay; N.Y.C., gonna be).

The other line I had a problem with is this one:
You know this is the way I make my pay

I dont know what I'd do to it, but I stumbled across it a little. The only thing that came to mind was:
You know this is how I get paid

Unfortunatly, I stumbled a bit across that to, so take it with a grain of salt.

Nice work, John.

Well paced; the climax & conclusion take the right amount of space. And the tie-in between the first and last verses is great (especially the lawyer line at the end).

Besides Geoo's suggested change (which I agree with), there's just one other change I'd make
Darling don't you know
I've got to make these shows
Then we'll have the lawyers set you free

If you don't know
I've got to make these shows
Then we'll have the lawyers set you free

I think this just ties in better with the 'then' in the last line. If you're up for some vocal acrobatics you could try "Darling, if you don't know" or, even trickier, "Darling, if you don't know by now". (These fit the tune I have in my head anyway.)

Any tuneage in mind?

Nice work. Don't you love it when the thing seems to write itself? Nothing really to add to what's been said already as far as content.
How about "Driving You Away" as a title? Just a quick idea. Kind of ties in the travelling theme.

Not a bad 45 minutes work :D :D Great stuff.

I also stumbled a bit on "make my pay". Perhaps:

"You know it always has to be this way" to keep the rhyme with Santa Fe

I was about to suggest that "the band" or "my band" might be better than "this band" as you should really only use "this" if you have whatever you're talking about actually there.

Then I thought "Um, it's not a real conversation, it's a song.... he might just actually be singing it with the band standing next to him.... doh...." :oops:

Title? Early Plane From Chicago. Hollow Road. Gig Widow?

Congrats.

Cheers, Chris

Firstly, I love the flow of this song! Great work :D
Darling don't you know
I've got to make these shows
Then we'll have the lawyers set you free

If you don't know
I've got to make these shows
Then we'll have the lawyers set you free

I don't agree with SP. The way I see it, is that this persons band is everything. So even when his wife cheated, he still puts his band first. And then, after the shows he'll deal with the divorce. And you put that perfectly there imo.

I don't agree with SP. The way I see it, is that this persons band is everything. So even when his wife cheated, he still puts his band first. And then, after the shows he'll deal with the divorce.

Ah, I see. John meant "Then"="after that". I was reading it as "Then"="in that case" (as in "if X then Y"). As a programmer "If" and "Then" always come in a pair. Sadly, this is affecting my ability to speak English. :)

When taken that way, the original is brilliant.

Gig widow

:lol: Maybe you don't want to give that much away in the title, but I think that's hillarious.

Sadly, this is affecting my ability to speak English. :)

Usually I notice things like that, but it didn't even hit me. Maybe you need to step away from the computer for a moment and take a nice deep breath ;)

Next time: Writing songs in C for beginners...Every "then" gets an "if"

Hi John,
Yeah good stuff :D ,

Geoo said
You've found another man to take my place
He's probably right although when I hear that line I cant get Ry Cooder's, Money Honey, out my mind.
I don't have too much of a problem with this line:
You know this is the way I make my pay
Although I might be tempted to change it very subtlelyIt's more than you and me
And you know its the way I make my pay
To me it makes it a bit more conversational like Gunslinger says.

For a title “Gig Widow”'s not bad or maybe “Cross Roads”, there lots of room for interpretation on that one.

Cheers
pbee

John,

Great writing. Nothing more to add, I think everybody already said it all. Really liked this post! G.

Thank You for the comments on my song but I have something
far more important to ask of all of you.

I know this terribly off subject but I have come to know many of you
here at GuitarNoise as good and caring people.

My family needs your good thoughts and prayers.
On Monday afternoon my 7 tear old grandson Shaun
was struck by a pick up truck while crossing the street with his scooter.

He suffered head and internal injuries.
Fortunately he was wearing a helmet or it could have
been far worse. As is he is in critical condition in the
Pediatric ICU at Albany Medical Center.
Albany NY about 35 miles from our home.

He is under heavy sedation and the full extent of his injuries will not be known for some time yet. He made it through the night with no further swelling to his brain and that is a good sign. He is on a ventilator to help him breath because of a bruised lung but his vital signs are good and he is fighting hard.

Please keep Shaun and the rest of us in your
thoughts and prayers as he has a long road ahead of
him.

Thank You
John

John

I am so sorry to hear about that. You can bet he will be in my prayers and you and mom as well. I hope the best.

Jim

Hey John,
sorry to hear that news, as a parent I know what your going through right now. I wish you and and your family all the best.

Paul

John.....

My thoughts are with you and your family, I hope the little feller pulls through, he sounds like a fighter....music seems kind of trivial at a time like this doesn't it?

Vic