EMPTY AND GOING NOWHERE
I used to think ,,,,,,,, Your all I need
We were in love ,,,,,, or so I believed
You turned my head ,,,,,,, with just a smile
You looked in my eyes ,,,,,,, and it drove me wild
Chorus
The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
We'd been together ,,,,,,, since we were kids
We had it good ,,,,,,,,, yes we did
But it's gotten hard ,,,,,,,, as times have changed
We've grown apart ,,,,,,,, we're just not the same
You go your way ,,,,,,, and I go mine
Sometimes we hook up,,,,,,,,, but not most of the time
It's just so strange,,,,,,,, where we are at now
I wish we could go back ,,,,,,,,, to the first time somehow
Chorus
The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
Now seasons have come ,,,,,,,, and seasons have gone
And we just keep ,,,,,,,, moving along
Playing the game ,,,,,,,, a kiss and a hug
All the emotions ,,,,,,,,,, swept under the rug
Empty and going nowhere
Empty and going nowhere
Empty and going nowhere
Empty and going nowhere (repeat and fade till end)
Hi, Maddog, good to see you're keeping at it....
I think you've got maybe 75-80% of a good song here, but it's let down a little by a weak chorus - it doesn't add anything to the song, where it should be a summing up of what's gone before, or a lead-in to the next verse. The problem is, it may have looked good on paper when you wrote the lyrics down, and they (the lyrics) may even have worked with the melody in your head - but they just don't go anywhere, or mean anything much. Maybe to you, but not the reader - me, in this case.
I think if you strengthen the chorus a little - explain WHY you couldn't live without the object of your affection, and make it clear why you've used the first time/last time contrast - you're well on the way to having a song you'll be proud of. The rest of the song works fine, for me - are you thinking call-and-response for the verses? I can see how that would work well....
Yep, that's my only quibble, the chorus - you need a good strong hook, something you can hang a riff or a melody line on, and something that means something to the average reader. I hope you can come up with something - somehow, I've a feeling you will, and I really hope you do - it'd be a shame to let what could be a really good song slip away.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
