Yr 6 Week 46 The Author of my Life’s Book edited

Well welcome back, my old mate, it HAS been a while!

Hey, the break seems to have done you good, Trev - this is pretty thoughtful stuff. IMO, the only weak link is the end of the chorus - what you've got is OK, but.....

"My new life brings new hope
With no stress I will cope
And I will find my way
Just like a brand new day
I'll find a new house for my home

I am the author of my life's book
These lonely words are not written
Only the game dare to take a look
Their only heard while I'm speakin"

seems like it needs another line to finish it off - something to rhyme with "home" from the first section of the chorus, make each section five lines. Possibly "Tome" - an archaic word for book, or volume? Change "their" to "they're" in the last line and we're away!

Seems like you've made a bit of a quantum leap - you've always had ideas, never quite got the knack of fully expressing them. But this is a huge step forward, IMO - well written, coherent, and well presented. Dunno what tablets they've got you on for the back injury, but they seem to be working!

Definitely a step forward - isn't it nice when the hard work seems to be paying off! You may not be the greatest writer to ever grace these forums, but if there were points given out for sheer determination and persistence, you'd have a bagful.

Well done mate - and don't leave it so long till the next one!

:D :D :D

Vic

Wow Mr Lewis sir ,

I am astounded by your words and appreciate them greatly ...Now I just have to live up to them huh :)

Last line yes your right that was pointed out to me by a bloody 16 lad who needs a decent hair , oh well such is life ..

Spelling ..Well if I post it totally perfect in spelling , my question is " Would Vic reply to it ? " { joke } :)

Thank you sincerely

Trev.... :note1: :note1: :note2: :note1: :note1: :note2:

Ooo Trev I like that a lot. It sounds like it really comes from the heart.

I agree with Vic about the chorus. You could use the word tome or maybe a line about whatever may come. That is all I would change, though. Does it have music? You should record it so we can hear it.
Hope you heal up soon.

Trev,
great effort mate, your writing is certainly maturing. Yes the chorus needs something like Vic says, “tome” is a good word or “tone” is another one you could use.
Look forward to hearing it

Paul

Wow thanks U C Girl .

Yeah there is a little bit of truth in it , { laying on your back for 3 weeks } One becomes a little reflective on their life , but I ain't going anywhere , its' more my new life = getting back to normal ....

Music - well I tried strumming my guitar the other day ---No can do ...So playing is out :(

Thanks for the reply appreciated :)

Trev......

Thanks Paul ...

We must have been replying at the same time ....

Yeah hearing it would be nice ...Do you know any guitarists and singers LOL ....

Can't record right now ....

Cheers

Trev...

Appreciate the feed back

Thanks guys

I have to agree it does need another line , and after much "hair pulling " pun intended ....I came up with this

Chorus

My new life brings new hope
With no stress I will cope
And I will find my way
Just like a brand new day
I'll find a new house for my home

I am the author of my life's book
These lonely words are not written
Only the game dare to take a look
Their only heard while I'm speakin
You can hear the loneliness in my tone