36 Rules For Bands
I found this on the internet so take it with a grain of salt. Which ones do you like?
*36 Rules For Bands*
1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.
3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word â€œrecoupableâ€ in the dictionary.
4. No one cares who you've opened for.
5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more â€œimportantâ€.
6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.
7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.
8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music (â€Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?â€)
9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.
10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network.
11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention â€œartistic freedomâ€ and â€œa guaranteed 3 record dealâ€.
12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
13. Never name a song after your band.
14. Never name your band after a song.
15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.
16. Never enter a â€œbattle of the bandsâ€ contest. If you do you're already a loser.
17. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: â€œrock operaâ€, â€œwhite rapperâ€, â€œblues jamâ€, â€œswing bandâ€, â€œopen mikeâ€, etc.
18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
19. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it's rock â€˜n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.
20. It's not a â€œshowcaseâ€. It's a gig that doesn't pay.
21. No one cares that you have a web site.
22. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
23. Don't hire a publicist.
24. Playing in San Marcos & Alpine doesn't mean you're on tour.
25. Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.
26. Although they come in different styles and colours, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
27. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends and lead singers are for!
28. If you use a smoke machine your music sucks.
29. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
30. Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
31. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
32. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
33. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
34. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
35. Rock oxymorons; â€œmajor label interestâ€, â€œdemo dealâ€,â€ blues geniusâ€, â€œ$500 guaranteeâ€, and â€œFastball's second hitâ€.
36. 3 things that are never coming back: a)gongs, b)headbands, and c)playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.
Let that boy boogie woogie, cuz' it in em' and it got to come out. -John Lee Hooker-
There is no substitute for experience. So get out there and break some strings on stage. -F.B.-