Let me know what you think of the writing not how its only verses i realize that haha im gonna shape it into a song at some point. Im getting some recording equpiment soon so ill start posting mp3s with songs.
The world's in your hands
So try not to drop it
Clean thoughts only come now
With my head under the faucet
Life is yours to waste away
Or to find the meaning of
So why can't it mean happiness
Or just to find your one true love
God always gets dragged into this
Leavin' trails behind his feet
And if you think you speak for him
Then I sincerely doubt you'll ever meet
If a pictures worth a thousand words
Then I guess I better keep on writing
I got a whole exhibit in my head
And this clean white page sure looks inviting
The words won't rhyme, or follow time
But i'll sing it loud for all to hear
Just take one step back, spot the act
And see a blurry picture crystal clear
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile
I like it. Some knitpicks though.
I'd change clean to clear in the third line. Clear, people can identify with. Hell I sometimes shove my face in cold water during trying times. But when you read clean its like "oh clean, under the faucet, I get it, haha, whatever." Not to be mean or anything, it's just sorta like a pun.
The next is when you directly used the phrase "a pictures worth a thousand words." To me this phrase no longer holds comfortable "folkiness" like it once did. That was only way back before I heard it for the 14 thousandth time. After 14 thousand I'm just like, STFU *ball kick*. But that might just be me.
Other then that, kickin'! :D
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
I agree that clear is easier to identify with, but I thought clean was a stronger image, what does everyone else think? And I wrote in the saying in intentionally, I put "if" before it to sort of question the saying. It kinda sets the stage for the rest of that verse so I dunno how It could change without just losing the whole thing.
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile
I like the imagery in this song. And it's ok if it's nothing but verses.
hey man i liked it alot, we do have simliar writing styles or at least it seems cuz i can aprtly see bright eyes in there somewhere. As usual for me there was one verse that stood out and it wwas actually the exibit in my head verse i dont knwo for some reason it jus caught my eye i liked it. But as you have so graciously put it before you cant tell jack without hearing the music so wheres it at man?
chec out my music
http://www.myspace.com/spencerbeasleymusic
pm if u like it or send me a message on myspace
It seems like each verse is a separate entity with no clear thread running through the whole song. Reading it closely I can see what it is meant to be about (seeing the bigger picture of the world or your life) but I don't think this would come across in real time. The five verses could almost have been lifted from five completely different songs.
I think you need a chorus to summarise the song's message in a simple form, and link all the verses together.
(Also as a side note I don't really like songs which are self-referential about the writing process. It just seems like the laziest form of inspiration. You have your whole imagination to draw upon, millions and billions of neural pathways inside your head, and all you can come up with is a line about having a blank sheet of paper in front of you. Kind of ironic huh?
The same goes for all those songs that start off "I picked up my guitar" or "I was smokin' a bong and writin' this song" or whatever.)
