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"68 Chevelle"

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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

I just got into song writing, this is my first song, so Let me know whats good, and bad about it.

"classic Chevelle"

He drives a 68 chevelle.
his lifes turned stale
he dosnt know where hes going
but I hope he knows soon.
Hes on the fate to jail,
driving that 68 chevelle

Hes got beer drinking friends,
and his fun never ends.
hes got lots of time,
to spare, but none he will share.
The tires are spinning but hes going nowhere.

He drives a 68 chevelle.
his lifes turned stale
he dosnt know where hes going
but I hope he knows soon.
Hes on the fate to jail,
driving that 68 chevelle

Watch him sin, watch him grin.
he wont stop till he wins.
He can make that engine roar,
He can really make it soar
but hes on the fate to jail,
driving that 68 chevelle.

He puts the pedal to the metal
in that 68 chevelle,
hes got lots of enemys that,
keep him aware.
the tires are spining but hes going nowhere.

He drives a 68 chevelle.
his lifes turned stale
he dosnt know where hes going
but I hope he knows soon.
Hes on the fate to jail,
driving that 68 chevelle

he thinks hes got it all.
He cant see all the
the dangers his lifes head headed to.
you can see him walk tall, but hes headed for a fall.

Hes headed to his dreadful fate
driving that 68 chevelle
Yeah, hes on the fate,
to jail driving that 68 chevelle.

hes on the road to fate, driving that 68.


   
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(@crashing-sun)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 21
 

Hes on the fate to jail,

He's on the "road" to jail would actually make sense.
The tires are spinning but hes going nowhere.

good metaphors will give substance to the song
Yeah, hes on the fate,

how about he's on the "insterstate"? I find that the use of your word "fate" tends to sounds strange in this song. In my opinion I would rate these lyrics average after edit/polish. Using an arc would probably help.

"Join the crazed institution of the stars... be the man that you think you really are... and you can wear a crown of roses around your cranium, live and die upon your cross of platinum..."


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

Actualy before I changed it around a bit, it was "road to jail" so Ill change it back, thanks alot.


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

Here is the second version of the song, please point out the good the bad, and the rough edges. Thanks.

"classic Chevelle"

He drives a classic chevelle.
his lifes turned stale
he dosnt know where hes going
but I hope he knows soon.
Hes on the road to jail,
driving that classic chevelle

Hes got beer drinking friends,
and his fun never ends.
hes got lots of time,
to spare, but none he will share.
The tires are spinning but hes going nowhere.

He drives a classic chevelle.
his lifes turned stale
he dosnt know where hes going
but I hope he knows soon.
Hes on the road to jail,
driving that classic chevelle

Watch him sin, watch him grin.
he wont stop till he wins.
He can make that engine roar,
He can really make it soar
but hes on the road to jail,
driving that classic chevelle.

He puts the pedal to the metal
in that classic chevelle,
hes got lots of enemys that,
keep him aware.
the tires are spining but hes going nowhere.

He drives a classic chevelle.
his lifes turned stale
he dosnt know where hes going
but I hope he knows soon.
Hes on the road to jail,
driving that classic chevelle

he thinks hes got it all.
He cant see all the
the dangers his lifes head headed to.
you can see him walk tall, but hes headed for a fall.

Hes speeding down the road to jail
driving that classic chevelle
Yeah, hes on the road,
to jail driving that classic chevelle.


   
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(@crashing-sun)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 21
 

In my opinion this song may suffer identity crisis, is it about the car or the man. either way it's feels a bit without direction. does he go to jail, does the car get impounded, does he learn anything or just dies ignorant? sounds like a story but feels like an undeveloped theme.

"Join the crazed institution of the stars... be the man that you think you really are... and you can wear a crown of roses around your cranium, live and die upon your cross of platinum..."


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

Its just a country song, and its about a man, whos life is in sin, and what not.


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

What needs to be done on this song?


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

Hey, I rewrote the song, a tad, gave it some more tune and rythem, tell me what you think. Thanks.

He drives a chevelle he got,
way back when.
He tuned it up and let it take,
control of him.

I pray for my brother,
just like anny brother would.
because hes stuck in a rutt,
and cant get loose.
and thats the truth.

Hes got beer drinkin' friends,
and his fun never ends.
hes got lots of time,
to spare, but none he will share.
His tires are spinin' but hes goin' nowhere.

Watch him sin, oh, and,
watch him grin,
he wont stop 'till he wins his fued.
I wish him well is all our,
stubborn father can say.
because hes on the road to jail,
drivin' that chevelle

I pray for my brother,
just like anny brother would.
because hes stuck in a rutt,
and cant get loose.
and thats the truth.

He can push that petal down
into the floor.
and out comes a roar never heard before.
and he's on the road to jail,
drivin' that chevelle.

his lifes turned stale,
and he dosnt know where hes headed to.
But I hope he does soon.
because He's on the road to jail,
drivin' that chevelle

I pray for my mother
to help her through the stress,
his mess has put her through.
Yeah, hes on the road to jail
drivin' that chevelle.


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

Please, I really need feedback on the recent lyrics. Thanks if you can.


   
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