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A new song... about my home

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(@taylorr)
Prominent Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 736
Topic starter  

I look around me
The cold surroundings
I sit thinking and i cant feel my toes
i try not to wake them
but the accidental noise
of me hitting the bathroom door
resounds hard on the bathroom floor
this aint my home
i reside far from here
its a long ride and a hard walk
i know full well the choices that remain
they aint the same
i hate the change

Chorus
lord take me back, back to my old place
back to the people i loved and they the same
i know that then i was off track
but i dont care
i wanna go back
back to that old place

my family wanted to get out of dodge
that little town got too small for me
i wanted a place a little less kind
a place where my map was wide
i packed the bags and got ready to go
i knew what was right for me but didnt do it
i got on the plane and didnt look back
i thought i was finally free
but little did i see
my heart did not agree
why couldnt i see
that was the place for me

-------------------------------------------------------
put that chorus in there somewhere again

i dunno what else, i wrote this at a hotel in west virginia. I couldnt sleep so I wrote that.

[Edit- I removed that one part
-when i was a little boy they told me
a future was in store for me
i didnt care i just lived do or die
those were the days- from above, it did not flow]

aka Izabella


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 367
 

Excellent song! The ending changed it all. Turned out that your family was your home. I know where you're coming from on this one. I've moved (and even have been sent away to boot camp for getting in trouble) a few times and it is a big experience. I think you have captured it well.

Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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(@musicmaniac221)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 148
 

I like this one. Kinda like the song I wrote. Read my song "Home", it has the same idea as yours basically...I think...LoL. Nice

Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick


   
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(@musicmaniac221)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 148
 

ok so after re-reading this...i found out its not like my song at all...lol! sorry. I like this tho...i like the rhyming. good, smooth song. good job izzabella!

Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick


   
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(@bonzai_man)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 30
 

There's only one word to describe this song "amazing". You've got some great handling on rhyming and arranging words so they fit perfectly. To top it all off, a great message, home is were you least expect it. Keep up the great work.


   
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(@taylorr)
Prominent Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 736
Topic starter  

Thanks guys for your thoughts. Anyone have any beefs with it? What can I do to make it better? (I already removed a portion I thought didnt fit.)

I dont like how country sounding it is... Thats my only problem with it.

aka Izabella


   
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