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Beautiful Wreck [deleted]


(@lane1777)
Active Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

this is being re-worked


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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

I'd like to hear more of the story about what went bad.

But another verse similar to the first would be,

I flew
With the wings of my heart
I knew
it was wrong from the start

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@lane1777)
Active Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

it is a little barren there..I should have seen that. maybe if I get this rolling a little,
add another verse. its funny how we miss things and its in plain sight to others.
thanks so much for stopping and adding a comment.


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(@andygetch)
Reputable Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 328
 

lane1777,
It's a good start, but remember that anything can be a song. I like the general storyline and some strong feelings are being conveyed. Some thoughts, being descriptive helps paint the picture in the listeners mind. Example songs sung by Emmylou Harris - Pancho and Lefty & If I Needed You (written by Townes Van Zandt), Boulder to Birmingham, Red Dirt Girl. The use of names, places, colors, smells, sounds, tastes, etc. If you don't feel comfortable singing the lyric that may be a cue that you may want to put some distance between yourself and the lyric. A couple of options, one you change "I" and "me" to "she" or a one syllable name like "Belle" which shares consonant sounds with your title "beautiful" so you have some alliteration. Or you can make the song happen in the distant past as a memory (that way you can change the ending if you like). I could definitely hear EmmyLou singing this one (just a tip, saw a recent interview where Emmylou said she doesn't sing step and a half note leaps). It is a good start, just my two cents worth, use what you like, discard the rest. :)

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1228093


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