Hi guys,
I've had this first verse for some months now. I finally got around to making a chord progression that could work and I got another verse spit out. It's still a bit short though, so I need some help with ideas for more verses and any comments on what is already written would be greatly appreciated.
The lyrics fit nicely even though they may look a bit chaotic.
** edited
Blissful love
Romantic dialogue spoken in shakespearian melody
The sunday sun shimmers brightly across moistened lips, glimmering outlines of her hips
Here lay lovers bathed in sunset
Loving arms caressing soft, damp skin
Embraced together in a rapturous fusion, like a silver-screen illusion
And here's only now
Lost in the present
CHORUS
Blissful love x 3
Reflected in eachothers captivated gaze
naked and open, so completely bare and vulnerable, walking on air
Never before so safe
Hands tracing each and every curve
Lips waiting impatiently for a kiss, here's only bliss
And here's only now
Lost in the present
CHORUS
**
Hope you leave your opinion!
:)
-man
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
Hiya Man!
Haven't yet been able to have a listen (at work atm :() but will try to do so tonight.
As for the lyrics, I think they're great. About the only thing I could pick up on was in this line:
Romantic dialogue spoken in shakespearian quality
Specifically I think it's just the word "quality". I wonder if "melody" might work better. I like this word here because (a) you're singing a song and (b) it implies something "sweet sounding".
Dunno if that makes a whole lot of sense but see what you think. :)
Anyhoo, will try have a listen tonight and get back to you.
Oh, and sorry I can't suggest anything re more verses. What little romanticism I had left me long ago ... :twisted:
From little things big things grow - Paul Kelly
Hi Bennett,
Thanks for the kind words about the lyrics. I put out an mp3 on my Soundclick page, it's more of a sketch, seeing as I'm not completely satisfied just yet. I'll have to see what comments I get on the new verses.
Oh,and I used in melody instead, good one. I wasn't happy with quality either :)
:)
-man
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
I put out an mp3 on my Soundclick page, it's more of a sketch, seeing as I'm not completely satisfied just yet. I'll have to see what comments I get on the new verses.
Mate, I find that very hard to believe that was a sketch. That was an absolute pleasure to listen to! :o
I have to say you have a really great style going on there. 8)
I can't comment on the last two verses lyrically 'cause quite simply it sounded great on the mp3.
Great work!
Just gonna go have a listen to your "Missed Sunrise" song now ... :)
From little things big things grow - Paul Kelly
Hey Kristian,
that WAS a pleasure to listen to well done there. The word "melody" in the first verse is great. I dont think there is anything in there that I would change. I think you have more than a sketch here my friend, you have an excellent song :D.
cheers
Paul
Thanks guys :)
I was afraid it was a bit on the sticky side, cliches bouncing off the walls and such :P
Guess I'm a bit insecure when it comes to lovesongs :)
:)
-man
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
Man,
A beautiful lovesong!
I don't even know that you need to add to it. If you really want to lengthen it, you could maybe make a verse about the feelings, emotions, thoughts, going on in the lovers' heads. You have the physical element already, so perhaps the ethereal, emotional part would complement it. Then perhaps tie it up with repeating the first verse and one final chorus.
Great work.
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
