Just a forewarning: this isn't a happy song.
[Verse 1]
Show me how to live with doubt
Hold my hand and guide me blind
Lead me to the center of self-righteous delusion
Suck me in just to spit me out.
Bite my lip; feed your own sick ego
I'm just another incumbent fool
Search for another way to clamber higher
And burn every thing to kill the old you.
[Chorus]
I can't bring you down from this.
Cry for me and shove the knife deeper
I can't bring you down from this.
Feel it slide to my soft center
I can't bring you down from this.
Watch me bleed and fade away
I can't bring you down from this.
I can't bring you down from this.
[Verse 2]
Wake up and take a look around
You sh*t where you sleep and it's all crashing down on you
Breathe in, tell me what you feel.
You're a freak; you're alone; you're fragile and helpless
Go on and deny it's yours
Turn your back on society and show you're my enemy
Give the blade a little turn
I can't believe that I cut my throat for this.
[Chorus]
I can't bring you down from this.
Cry for me and shove the knife deeper
I can't bring you down from this.
Feel it slide to my soft center
I can't bring you down from this.
Watch me bleed and fade away
I can't bring you down from this.
I can't bring you down from this.
[Verse 3]
So where has it led you?
It seems you're right where you were before.
Try to dismiss the pain
But you can't hide the wound I've endured.
You can try and rewind the time
The damage is done there's nothing you can do
Turn around and face your fears
And choke on the lies that you always clung to.
[Chorus]
I can't bring you down from this.
Cry for me and shove the knife deeper
I can't bring you down from this.
Feel it slide to my soft center
I can't bring you down from this.
Watch me bleed and fade away
I can't bring you down from this.
I can't bring you down from this.
Schecter C1 Plus
Bridge - EMG 81
Neck - EMG 89 Single
I absolutely think verse 1 is awesome. I really think that captures what you are getting across well. I like the rest of it...it just gets a little too savage for my tastes.
Feel it slide to my soft center is great imagery as well...just gives me the creeps.
anyways...I enjoyed it...yet I didn't...
Maybe that's what you're going for :twisted: :)
I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)
hi devikta.
I absolutely love this! the idea, the gloomy atmosphere, the story...
I don't think it's too savage;) it can never be too melancholy& dark for me.
have you got any music/melody? to me it seems like there is no real 'flow' but then again most of my songs don't have that either.
can't pick out things I especially like cause I like it all, verses, chorus- really I think you should be very proud of this song.
*waving*
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
hi devikta.
I absolutely love this! the idea, the gloomy atmosphere, the story...
I don't think it's too savage;) it can never be too melancholy& dark for me.
have you got any music/melody? to me it seems like there is no real 'flow' but then again most of my songs don't have that either.
can't pick out things I especially like cause I like it all, verses, chorus- really I think you should be very proud of this song.
*waving*
bluenightangel
Well thanks man, I really appreciate that. I have music in my head for this, and I went home and started fleshing it out last night. I play metal and hardcore mostly (I also play a lot of accoustic too), so the music for this one is thick, chunky, and brutal....
The structure is a bit weird with that second verse, because the tempo of the song completely changes there. The vocals for this have a percussive rythm that borders rap, but isn't.
The line, "I can't bring you down from this" in the Chorus, is the hardcore scream/growl, which is monumentally different from the death or speedmetal scream/growl), while the other lines are sung cleanly.
Schecter C1 Plus
Bridge - EMG 81
Neck - EMG 89 Single
you're welcome:)
sounds good to me what you wrote about the music(I would propably have made this a slow song, music silent/melancholy/thinkful and lyrics bitter/screaming and the chorus gentle)
hope you record it someday and post it at adam's. would like to hear it:)
bye
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Great Song. I really like the choruses and after reading your ideas for the music I can feel it a lot more. I love your diction, its not ordinary everyday words and they work really well actually all your words work well. I imagery with the knife you got going it hits home the feelings ur trying to get across. I like the percussiveness of the second verse it gives some variety. and I can see the whole song going either elaborate or simple and both be effective. Great work.
-Micheal :)
"I named my son Marshall, yeah I named him after the amp. Of course that wasnt my first choice, I was gonna name him Peavy but my wife didnt like it."- Ron "Tater Salad" White
I really like this a lot. I can definitly picture hardcore metal for the genre of this song. Also, inside my head I easily picture what you're singing, especially the line:
Cry for me and shove the knife deeper
Sorta dark, well, it's fully dark...but in a good way. Again, I really enjoyed this one. Like gmilan, the first verse is my favorite part of the song, though all the other verses are very good, too.
That's pretty much all I have to say. :)
Again, great job.
